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What women think is BAD SEX

19 June 2014 6 comments

"I think sometimes some guys may watch a bit too much porn and think that throwing women around the bed in a variety of positions and jack-hammering them is what we consider to be great sex...um no!" This was one of the many responses I received from a woman when I did a call out recently asking for what women regard as bad sex.

What do women consider bad sex?What do women consider bad sex?

What constitutes bad sex is subjective. Many women have different and often opposing views. One woman's bad sex can sometimes be another's great sex. Hair pulling is a good example – a number of women told me they really hated it, whereas most women like it and some even love it (assuming it's not painful or that hair isn't actually wrenched from the scalp). A couple of women said they put their hair up into a pony tail or pig tales so it's easier for their man to pull it whilst they're on all fours.

Many women like rough sex including being dominated, however this isn't for everyone. In fact rough sex is most definitely considered very bad sex by a lot of women. So what else do some women consider bad sex?

Here's the feedback I received from what women deem to be bad sex:

    1. Un-cleanliness – this was on top of the list for most women. No woman wants to put a cock that smells and tastes of urine in or anywhere near their mouth. And no one likes bad breath or unpleasant body odour. No surprises there!
    2. Sweatiness – it turns out that a man sweating profusely during sex repulses many women; even just some sweat turns many women off. And they particularly dislike it if they're having sex in missionary position and a man's sweat from his face continuously drips down onto theirs. As a man it doesn't really bother me if my partner sweats on me during sex – in fact I quite like sweaty sex sometimes. Does this mean women don't like the idea of sex in a sauna?
    3. Men not shaving before oral – a few weeks or more of growth on a man's face appears to be acceptable but one or two day's stubble is apparently abrasive (like sandpaper) and can leave chafing on the inside of a woman's thighs and around her pussy. This is especially the case if she has recently waxed or shaved the area making it a bit more sensitive.
    4. Body hair and prickly balls – not all women love body hair and many don't like prickly balls. And some women don't like to perform oral sex if a man has long pubic hair as it can get stuck in between their teeth.
    5. Too much grunting and groaning – many women said they liked this but there were a number of women who said they hated it. A woman also told me she didn't like it when men didn't talk or make any noise during sex but just groaned when they orgasmed. Another told me she didn't mind groaning but dislikes weird and odd noises as it was very off-putting.
    6. The smell of cigarettes and booze on men – it should be no surprise that a man coming home from a bar, after having a few beers with his buddies, who then grabs his partner and initiates sex with her when he's stinking of booze and cigarettes doesn't bode well for good sex for her. I suppose men coming home after a night out with the boys at a strip club, where they've had a few lap dances, may smell of perfume and stripper's pussy. Surely that's not going to get him far at home, other than banishment to the doghouse!
    7. Men who get too drunk or take party drugs – no one wants to be vomited on or have someone fall asleep during sex. Similarly no one wants to be baby sitting a partner who's laying in a foetal position in the shower because they're drunk or drug fucked. I have had a lady drink way too much on a date one night then instead of great sex she continuously threw up in my kitchen sink when we came back to my apartment.
    8. Wet juicy tongues and love bites – men with over zealous tongues who stick them and their abundant saliva everywhere, like all over a woman's face and in her ears, can be a huge turn off for a woman! Similarly if they bite and/or suck too hard (I'm thinking neck and breasts) it can sometimes hurt and leave marks. No one wants to go to work the next day, or visit their parents, looking like a sexed up teenager with big love bites on their neck.
    9. A man who needs constant praise – low self esteem amongst men and women is a common problem and having to constantly reassure someone that they're doing a great job can be not only annoying and distracting but draining. At the start of a relationship it's probably acceptable to a certain degree as partners are still trying to determine what each other likes and dislikes, but if praise is an ongoing requirement and it's all about the male ego then that's a real problem for women.
    10. Missionary sex – a lot of women don't like this at all. They definitely don't like it if the man just lies on top and ‘hammers away' until he ejaculates. Some women however like having sex in this position if the man is more ‘loving' and affectionate during the interlude ie. kissing, using his hands, body, tongue, breath etc.Vanilla sex – it turns out that many women don't enjoy vanilla sex. I suppose it all comes down to the definition of vanilla sex, however, most women want to spice it up a bit. Sex toys, fantasy outfits, living out fantasies, various levels of B&D, threesomes and swinging, watching porn together and enjoying various fetishes are all ways to ensure sex isn't considered vanilla sex (note these aren't for everyone).
    11. Hopeless oral sex – a man fumbling and bumbling away not knowing what he's doing can be very frustrating for a woman. If he sucks like a vacuum cleaner then he gets a massive fail! Similarly if he uses his tongue too hard to the point the clitoris and labia become desensitized then that's also considered a massive fail by women. And if he tries to jam his fingers in with sharp fingernails whilst performing cunnilingus then most women abhor this (noting it can do internal damage). Gently inserting a finger, or fingers in (assuming they're clean and the fingernails have been trimmed – and assuming she is lubricated either naturally or with lube) whilst performing oral on a woman can be a great turn on – but only under those circumstances. And I had a woman reply to me that she hated a man who decided he'd give her a rim job (lick and tongue in her ass) unannounced whilst giving her oral.
    12. Penetrative sex with a man with a small penis – yes this is a problem for many women, particularly if he's not packing other pleasure skills or doesn't buy her some new sex toys (women don't like a man to use sex toys that have been used on other women). A man with a small penis needs to know what positions provide deeper penetration and that hit the g-spot; like doggy for instance.
    13. Men with no positional experience – women dislike men who try too hard to co-ordinate different positions and awkward angles that don't work. Maybe they've watched too much porn or perhaps they trying too hard to impress. The few times I've played golf and I've tried really hard to hit the drive ball as far as I could, its ended up in a lake or the bush a long way left or right from where I was hoping for it to land. Sometimes it's better to not try so hard and let things flow naturally. Men don't need to have a large repertoire of different sexual positions to be good in bed.
    14. Men who don't satisfy their woman – if a man's sole objective is to get himself off as quickly as possible without much consideration for a woman's pleasurable needs then he's probably not going to get another opportunity with her. Even if he's not entirely successful at satisfying her, he needs to demonstrate he's enthusiastic and willing to accommodate her desires. Unless he's a master cocksmith (and a mind reader) it usually takes a while for a man to learn how to fulfill a woman's sexual needs.
    15. No sexual chemistry – it sounds like a no-brainer but some people just don't get the correlation between sexual chemistry and sexual satisfaction. If there's no, or limited sexual chemistry between a man and a woman, then a woman's going to struggle to have good sex (noting that a man can often ejaculate from sex when where there is no chemistry at all).
    16. No emotional chemistry – again this is often very important for a woman – even on one night stands. She usually needs to be physically attracted to him. She also needs some sexual chemistry and an emotional connection. Again men are hopeless – they can have sex with a woman they have no emotional connection with and they can usually ejaculate. Women on the other hand consider it bad sex if they're missing an emotional connection with a man. Without delving into it too much now, the emotional connection can rise or even falter over time. For instance a breach of trust, like cheating, can damage or destroy the emotional connection leading to bad sex.
    17. Expectations are too high – if a woman's expectations are too high, particularly if she's been fantasising about a man, and she then has sex with him and he doesn't measure up (literally or figuratively) then she's going to be disappointed - and disappointment equals bad sex for her! I've experienced this as a guy where I've fantasised about a woman, then have had unfulfilling sex and a bad experience, so this point isn't a revelation for me.
    18. When his cock is too large – some men are going to be happy to hear that not all women love a huge penis. In fact if a man's too well hung to the point where sex is uncomfortable then some women don't enjoy it. In these instances couples need to adopt positions that aren't as deeply penetrative – like with a woman on top where she can control the situation better.
    19. Anal surprises - when a couple are having penetrative sex and his penis accidentally, or intentionally, slips out and inserts into her anus without any warning (oops) then this can be extremely painful and off-putting for a woman. A few women also voiced their disapproval when during penetrative sex a man forces his fingers or thumb into their ass without any preparation, like lube, and without permission.
    20. No foreplay – this was certainly no surprise to me to hear that many women hated men having sex with them with little or no foreplay. Some men simply don't understand the importance of foreplay. And if they're too lazy or uninterested in foreplay then maybe they should at least consider buying sex toys as they can make foreplay more interesting and exciting. In fact for a woman foreplay with sex toys can be the main event.
    21. Men who are ‘stayers' – women don't like men who either don't cum at all or take way too long to orgasm. Apart from getting bored, tired, sore and desensitised it can destroy what would have been an otherwise great sex session. When a woman starts saying "will you hurry up and cum already" the party is over!
    22. Men who ejaculate prematurely or who have erection problems - unfortunately this can be a common problem with men and it's understandable how women can find this frustrating and potentially embarrassing (if they're concerned it's their fault). Men can train themselves to control ejaculation (maybe I'll do a blog post on this another time). Erection problems can be caused for many reasons (even trying too hard to impress can lead to erection issues). Ideally couples should talk about the issue (if they can - although I acknowledge it can be a very difficult subject to embrace and discuss) and if necessary men should seek medical help.
    23. Men who lack passion and affection - this is usually a deal breaker for women when it comes to having good sex. Without passion and affection there is normally limited pleasure for a woman. Again this is often not the same for men (they're basically hopeless sometimes when it comes to wanting to get their rocks off).
    24. Men who try to create the porn star experience - most women usually don't like getting their ass slapped hard, their hair pulled and being called a dirty slut whilst their partner is pounding them from behind. No, this isn't considered good sex by many women! Under the right circumstances however, and perhaps with less forceful ass slapping and different sex talk, this scenario can be loved by some women. Then of course there are men who think they can only cum on a woman's face (that normally ends up in her eyes or up her nose), in a woman's mouth or ass, or on her belly or breasts - basically anywhere but in her pussy. Sometimes this is acceptable to women but not always. Whilst I advocate the watching of some types of porn (non violent erotica) men who try to emulate what they watch usually don't impress anyone.
    25. Bad experiences with threesomes, moresomes or swinging - without delving into it here it's quite easy to see how women can have bad experiences in these situations particularly if their partner is either inexperienced or doesn't consider their emotions.
    26. Non considerate guys – guys need to be switched onto a woman's sexual and emotional needs and he needs to know when and what to do. After a woman has orgasmed, or finished multiple orgasms their pleasure zone is often very sensitive. Guys shouldn't keep pumping away, performing oral or trying to stick their fingers in. Now is the time women usually like some post orgasmic affection and attention. Note sometimes women like to go round 2, so guys need to consider whether or not this is an option. A number of women replied to my call out that round 2 was an absolute necessity and if guys couldn't step up to the plate and accommodate them then they considered it bad sex. Well I know for a fact that not all guys can go a round 2 - although it depends to a certain degree on the length of time between rounds.
    27. Men who check their mobiles during sex – Durex recently did a survey that found that many men checked their phones during sex for msg's and some even checked their social media. Mammoth fail in women's eyes!
    28. Men who have body issues – women don't like it when their partner is inhibited by the fact that they think their body is being judged. If a man then won't try new positions, sexy lingerie, sex toys, striptease, sex with the lights on etc, then this can be very frustrating for a woman.
    29. Men who call out another woman's name during sex or who compares – yes another no brainer! Women don't like it when their partner accidentally calls out another woman's name, or compares her to other sexual partners during the act, ie. "my ex used to do this thing where...".
    30. Men who don't know where a woman's g-spot or clitoris is – this can be not only awkward but can ultimately result in bad sex for a woman. Many women can't orgasm from penetrative sex and can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation and/or stimulation of the g-spot. Some sexual positions can incorporate stimulation of the clitoris and/or g-spot but many positions don't. Guys need to get on board the pleasure express train and learn where a woman's g-spot and clitoris is and learn what to do with them.
    31. Men who don't think about safe sex – some women don't like men who refuse to wear condoms (I'm assuming this is in casual sex situations or at the start of a relationship). A lot of men simply don't care about the prospect of a woman becoming pregnant or of them spreading or contracting an STI (sexually transmitted infection). Not cool!
    32. Wanna be braggers – women dislike men who don't ask before they take photos or videos of them nude or their sexual acts together (unless they've been long term partners) Unfortunately, some men like to brag and show their buddies photos or videos of their 'trophy conquests' - mega fail as far as women are concerned!
    33. Sex injuries sustained in the act – no one likes these so be careful as they can certainly kill the moment for both parties.

A challenge we all face is how to change potentially bad sex into good sex. Avoiding some of the pitfalls I've outlined above is a good start! Men take note - sex, just like life, is a constant learning curve. I'm still learning too!

I'm keen on your feedback, particularly if you're a woman and you think I've overlooked something that you consider makes for bad sex. And if you're a guy please let me know what you consider to be bad sex, as that's my topic for next weeks blog post.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

Dee 19 June 2014 at 4:52 pm
Routine sex is not a good thing. You know by how a guy is positioned what he wants. Not every girl wants to start with a headjob everytime. How about some kissing and cuddles.
Pleaser 19 June 2014 at 6:02 pm
I was with a guy who farted during sex. The first time I forgave but when it happened again I was out of there.
Blob5991 19 June 2014 at 6:02 pm
Having read your latest blog, let me just say that I'm quite confused by it. To be honest I feel quite bad for men. Do they think about our flaws when they are having sex with us? I very much doubt it! If I was a virgin male and was reading this, I would think I would have no hope in pleasing a woman during sex, because apparently they cannot be pleased! Also my friend and I ( we are both women) felt that it was too over generalised and most of the examples were stupid reasons to call a whole love making session "Bad Sex". Examples like hair-pulling and sweat and love bites- get over it!!! If women agree with everything on this list, well then, I feel very sorry for you. You clearly have not experienced the exciting highs and hilarious lows of what sex brings.Nothing is ever easy and it is sometimes the funny, excruciating and GROSS moments that change us and mould us and our partners into the lovers we want.I very much look forward to the male perspective next week. Let us hope it brings these women 'down a peg' and back to reality.
Kate 20 June 2014 at 4:14 pm
Great opening line for the blog! :) - Kate
Boner-Owner 20 June 2014 at 6:16 pm
It's cool to finally see some lady centred articles! I think a woman is sexiest when she feels sexy - which means a guy has got to make her feel that way :) P.S. what is a clitoris?
itzMadjinx 3 July 2014 at 11:28 am
Men just enjoy the moment and give the woman free-reigns to do what they want to do during sex.e.g. If she wants you to eat her pussy then do it, you might think your a slave because you have to do what she commands but overall you can get more sex out of her, then u can give her some passion after your done munching.
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