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What makes sex Great Sex?

19 September 2013 5 comments

At an adultshop.com party last week a staff member told me that she'd recently had an out-of-body experience during sex and her partner also experienced the same phenomenon! Wow! And neither of them was under the influence of alcohol or drugs at the time. She raved about how great that particular sex session was. It left me thinking; what does it take for sex to be deemed great sex? I've had body tingling and mind blowing great sex. I've had average sex and yes just like everyone I've had some pretty boring uneventful sex in my time... but I've never had an out-of-body experience.

What is great sex?What makes great sex?

Whilst we're all different there are some common themes as to what constitutes great sex. Is it a function of orgasm length and intensity... or could it be the number of orgasms that defines great sex? Perhaps great sex is a function of pleasure? Maybe it's a function of how much we're turned on. Is it because of the spontaneity factor, the break from the routine or the fact that it's a new partner that makes it so good? I start getting myself a bit confused thinking about all of the reasons why sex might be deemed great sex. So what are the common themes?

I believe it all starts with passion, desire and enthusiasm! If you're 'into' someone (whether it's love, lust or just infatuation) and you're turned on then you're on the road towards having great sex. It all needs to start with passion (akin to youthful exuberance)! For me, if I kiss someone passionately, and I don't feel a stirring in my loins then it doesn't bode well for good sex thereafter. Last year after separating from my ex wife I took a lady out on a dinner date then invited her back to my apartment for coffee. The lift takes maybe 5 seconds to get from the ground to my apartment on the top floor. I remember I grabbed her and kissed her as soon as the lift doors closed and we were still lip locked when the lift doors opened... but my manhood hadn't flinched. I'm not sure why but it was obvious to me that I simply wasn't into her. After a quick coffee, and no sex, I called a car to take her home. I needed someone I was hungry for, someone who pushed my libido into overdrive. Maybe I should have taken her on a few more dates, but instead I took the view that I'd rather have no sex than average or boring sex with someone who clearly didn't excite me too much.

Unlike men, women usually need an emotional connection most of the time in order for them to experience great sex. Without that emotional connection, it comes down to just lust, and sometimes that's simply not enough. Sure we've all probably had great sex with a stranger or with a one night stand or if we've been in a 'friends with benefits' arrangement, but this is not the norm.

Often the first few times a couple have sex its uncomfortable or awkward. It's not because they're not turned on (probably quite the opposite) it's usually because they're trying too hard. It's often also because they don't know what turns their partner on or what leaves them shaking in orgasmic ecstasy. Obviously over time, and with communication, they learn what their partner likes and what gives them maximum pleasure. We can communicate our feelings and how much we're enjoying something not just verbally but also with our body language... and of course by moaning and groaning.

I believe the ability for sex to be great increases as a relationship matures. Perhaps I can draw on the analogy of a good Shiraz. Over time, and with some nurturing in the right conditions (like a cool cellar), Shiraz gets better after a few years. Unfortunately however a Shiraz plateaus over time and from there it's a downhill run. There's not much you can do when this starts happening to the Shiraz you've been cellaring for a few years other than quickly drink it, give it away or watch it deteriorate further. Fortunately when your sex life plateaus, or starts souring, you can arrest the decline and get it back on track to the point of once again having great sex. Let's discuss this another time in detail.

Can you have great sex alone ie, with masturbation or using sex toys? Absolutely! Usually this isn't a preferred option however it sometimes might be just what's needed. Can sex be great sex without actual intercourse? Sure! Oral sex can be great sex. Mutual masturbation can be great sex sometimes. I don't think there are any rules (as opposed to laws) as to what defines great sex.

Is it the size of a man's cock that makes sex great for some women? Maybe it is for some women however a man's brain is often a bigger turn on. Even well hung men can be bastards sometimes or for that matter hopeless in bed. So no, it's not always just about the cock.

I hope this post has provoked thought and fostered debate as I want to do a follow up post next week with your views on what makes sex great sex. Please comment below or private msg me through Facebook. Today's post has simply been me 'shooting from the hip' based upon my experience. I'm not a sexpert (although I've been selling sex toys for 18 years) so I want to hear from you.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

Ginger Leigh 20 September 2013 at 7:46 am
I personally believe that the brain is the biggest sexual organ. If he/she gets inside my head & provokes thought then that makes for a more complete sexual experience. As far as the out of body experience goes, I have never had that. :( But there have even some more memorable experiences with the same person. What's makes that particular situation so different? How do I duplicate it? I personally believe it has to do with foreplay. The way they treat you as soon as they walk in the door. The way they make you feel. How the scenario turns out is also due to the way you reciprocate. It is like your own little secret private joke that only you know about. The way you get a rush when their breath dances across your skin. All that antisipation can lead to incredible sex or an extreme disappointment. Especially if you have expectations on how a situation may play out.
Jetgirl 20 September 2013 at 9:10 am
For me, the excitement of expectation. Not exact details but that my man and I will enjoy all the out of bed foreplay before the urge gets too strong to contain ourselves. The flirting consists of music and dancing, circling each other and coming closer and closer, perhaps breaking away to change the music or play guitar. Yes guitar playing is a good turn on for me. The foreplay could consist of wine and nibbles even looking into each others eyes knowing the lust behind them, as we sip a liqueur and kiss, smelling each others necks and kissing erogenous zones. A melding of two into one happens somewhere after that.A joyous union of two people in tune with each others senses, just knowing how to give and take. Night time is the time for me as it allows things to play out slowly with sleep as the very end result. Morning sex can be great too but it has a much different and shorter foreplay period so not a sexciting as a longer encounter, and the eventuality of that is that the afterplay is shorter as one usually has to go to work.
Natasha 22 September 2013 at 2:29 pm
In my experience the guys that are confident and somewhat a player has always been a big attraction to me. If you know there a chase there is always the attraction, if a guy falls weak at the knees and you have them eating out the palm of your hand well that's boring really and generally doesn't appeal.What makes great sex usually is when you really are attracted to or emotionally connected to the person. From a massage to the kiss then foreplay, then the use of toys and different positions is usually much better than the usual missionary positions. Great sex for a women I think is when the male attends to the woman giving multiple orgasms instead of just worrying about his own satisfaction.Once I was seeing a guy that I was initially attracted to based on his looks. I picked up quickly that he was a bad boy, player and most of the time didn't tell the truth at all and found he was very strange in the way he wanted to take pictures and study every part of the anatomy in close view like a Voyeur. He also like to use the same collection of toys that he had used on all different women. Although in some ways I thought he was a bit sick, twisted, perverted and odd the sex was fantastic and it was some what a major turn on because he was so different to anyone else I had ever been with. I remember feeling bad because I was turned on by his 'twisted' behaviour and felt bad at the same time of feeling good......turned out he ended up in court for filming women in public toilets....that's were I definitely had to draw the line.
chantelle 23 September 2013 at 9:16 pm
my husband and I had mind blowing sex for 11 months then declined a great sex for the following 12 months after marriage but after having stress issues and complicated birth with our second child there was nothing but boring sex. we called into an adult shop on our way for our first high with no kids went out for dinner and have been having fabulous sex with an with out toys. Try new things, have an opened mind and stop the expectations.men that are well hung, cocky and think they are gods gift to women usually do what they want sex is a one way street to them so it usually is a downer.being honest with yourself and partner usually helps, different things turn people on but let go of expectations and having a healthy maintainable sex life keeps life in balance, every sexual experience each should learn something about them selves or partner.personally great sex is the out come of not doin the Same old thing, passion, turning your partner on should turn you on, no expectations. if you have great sex it should feel like both av been on a 10km run
Kate 25 September 2013 at 5:53 pm
Great sex - definitely as you say, if you are passionate about someone and really into them, then you're already on a "high". I have been dating a man on and off for the past year. He is very well hung. However, I find him a total turn-on to the point that it's not about penetration - it's about being together, sharing intimate moments which may or may not include entry. Sometimes, because he is so big, sex can be uncomfortable.
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