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Valentine’s Day

13 February 2014 6 comments

Last Saturday night I was out for dinner at a hip restaurant with a group of friends when table talk turned to the topic of sex toys. As we'd all had a few drinks I was rather concerned that the discussion would spill over to tables close to us as they were certainly within earshot. Unfortunately, it did spill over. As I headed to the bar post eating I was confronted by a woman who wanted me to tell her about the new We-Vibe. She asked me how quickly it could make her orgasm and went on to tell me about her sex toys that she loves and frequently uses. She'd overheard the conversation at the table. I'm still amazed at how open and frank some people, who I don't know, can be when it comes to discussing sex toys with me in random locations like a restaurant or bar.

At the bar and chatting with the boys, two of them separately asked me for advice on what vibrators they could buy their sweethearts for Valentine's Day. One had no idea at all as he and his wife were relatively inexperienced when it came to sex toys. And the other didn't really offer me much to work with other than he thought she'd go for a toy that was inserted and that came with a clitoral stimulator. I recommended the Lelo Soraya to them both. It's one of our best sellers and because it is, Mia and Pia, who work in our office, recently made a short video clip on the product. Check it out here by following this link and clicking the first 'more...' button.

I think most of us agree that Valentine's Day has become quite commercial. Personally I become annoyed with the constant bombardment of ads for expensive jewellery and other gifts in the lead up. This can of course lead to unrealistic expectations and tears on the day. Gifts don't need to be expensive, in fact for most couples the best gift they could give each other is a kiss, a hug and some words of endearment.

Valentine's Day is a day that couples should spend some quality time together. It's a day that women especially want to feel loved, wanted, needed, cherished, etc. Guys note - a little bit of romance goes a long way here. Whilst women will never tire of receiving gifts, a simple card, maybe some flowers and a special home cooked dinner or a night out at a restaurant, is usually enough to let her know she's special to you. Unfortunately for me I usually fail in the romance stakes however, I do try a bit harder on Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day is about making an effort and doing things your partner likes and wants to do rather than what you want to do. It's a day when couples often test each other. I know many men who've failed on this day. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I too have failed tests from partners in the past on this day...but I've learnt.

Maybe it's a day to try something new in the bedroom. If you're a woman and you know your man likes you in lingerie then consider dressing up for him (even if he doesn't buy you new lingerie on the day). And if you're a man who knows his partner likes massages, for instance, offer to give her a sensuous massage after dinner. Erotic massage is a great way to turn you both on. The real challenge is to try and stop it leading to sex too quickly. Most friends I talk to about erotic massage with their partners tell me it lasts less than 5 minutes as they usually both become too eager to engage in sex. Draw it out as long as possible. I think twenty to thirty minutes of sensuous massage is ideal before you get on with the main event.

With Valentine's Day falling on a Friday this year, it's a perfect reason for couples to go away for the weekend, preferably and if possible, without children. We all know weekends away can help couples reignite the passion in their relationship. It gives them an opportunity to have plenty of sex and catch up on quality chilled out time together. Often couples don't get the chance to do this so they should seize the opportunity when they can.

If you're considering staying in this Valentine's Day then maybe it's time to snuggle up on the couch with some wine, wicked chocolate sauce, fresh strawberries and cream? With some imagination you can seriously spice up the night (and hopefully not leave too much mess on the couch).

I believe what couples do on Valentine's Day is a function of many things - like their budget, whether or not they have kids, the day they've had at work etc, however the factor that probably has the most effect on what couples do is the length of time they've been together. Couples that have been together say only a few months are more than likely going to go out to a restaurant for a romantic dinner then come home where the woman showing off her new lingerie he bought her before jumping into bed for a lengthy and steamy sex session. Couples that have been together a few years might skip the restaurant and instead may have a romantic dinner at home. He'll probably buy her flowers, a card and a little gift.

Valentine's DayValentine's Day

But what of couples that have been together for many years (and may have kids)? What do they generally do? Well unfortunately the couples I know usually promise each other that there's no need to buy overpriced flowers or gifts. In fact they generally don't even buy each other a card. Should they? Do they stop doing the things that newbie couples do because they become complacent in their relationship or because they just don't think they need to anymore? Newbie relationships can be intoxicating and all consuming so I get why some couples drift into the realms of apparent non-caring (note I think they usually do care but they simply don't show it enough).

So perhaps Valentine's Day is the day of the year for couples that are in a long term relationship to reassess where they're at with their relationship, their sex life and their commitment to each other. It'd be fun to act like a newbie couple again! Whilst that giddiness and overwhelming fixation that you had in the past may have been lost it's worth exploring it again. Buy the flowers and maybe a small gift! And think about what you're going to write in the card. You don't need to write like Shakespeare nor act like Romeo, but you do need to be genuine and thoughtful with your words of affection. Get it right and your sex life won't regret it. And if you're a couple who needs to get a bit of the spark back in the bedroom consider buying a new sex toy. They're great for foreplay and they can certainly help kill any monotony or boredom that may be existent in your sex life.

Now on a different note I received some negativity from a woman who read my post last week on great breasts. Similarly I had a few negative comments the previous week in relation to my post on casual sex. Whilst I don't openly court negativity I appreciate and respect that we're all different and have different perspectives. I try to be non-sexist and I try to generalize where possible. I genuinely believe men and women are equal and that neither should be subservient to the other (unless of course all parties are willing and are somewhere which calls for subservience - like in a dungeon). And when it comes to sex and relationships I think both men and women should do their best to please each other.

I don't need to write a blog! I write it for a few reasons. It's been good for my personal development and I'm enjoying expressing myself in a public forum. As one of my close friends Pedro told me the other night – "reading your blog Mal is just like having a chat with you". And that's how I want it to continue. I recognize that I may be confrontational and controversial at times – and that probably won't change.

Please go ahead and comment. Don't be afraid of upsetting me. I need to accept the burden with the benefit. For me to continually improve my blog posts I need, and welcome, your feedback – the negatives and the positives.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

TX 13 February 2014 at 7:51 pm
I gave my husband a sex toy two years ago and a fantastic letter. Every year I got him an amazing gift and tried to make time for mind-blowing sex. But this year he'll be with the woman he's been cheating with for years! Guess some guys always think the grass is greener :)!
Sweetchocolate 13 February 2014 at 8:19 pm
Like TX I have always made an effort on Valentines, birthdays anniversaries etc, but it didn't stop hubby from straying. Funny thing is since then, working through our baggage, hubby now realises that Valentines is special to me and makes an effort. Love, real love after the lust has subsided, is a choice. A choice to stay or go, to work with your partner to keep the passion alive or to call it quits and close up shop. You're absolutely right Mal that couples should continue to do the little things for their partner on Valentines as it's those that make it worthwhile :)Cheers
petal 14 February 2014 at 3:23 pm
I think a small gift on valentines day goes along way, its important to let your lady to know how much your into her, whether you have been together 10 days or 10 years. We always get the kids looked after and there is always a new sex toy, porn dvd, or massage oil in our gifts, and i always dress up in a new outfit every year, and there is certainly no bedroom boredom happening in this household.
Mel 21 February 2014 at 12:53 pm
I agree with you 100%, little gestures go along way. My finace is overseas at the moment and i was nearly in tears when he sent me a couple roses to my work on Valentines day :) Such a surprise.!!!My aunty and uncle have been married for over 20years now and have 2 kids and my uncle still gets flowers and a gift every valentines day. This year my aunty said to not get anything that they will go to the movies and have dinner. They both agreed that it would be great to do this but dispite all that my uncle still brought flowers for her. In saying all this, i think love should be shown at all times of the year :)
anne 4 March 2014 at 7:15 pm
I think valentines day is Very over rated You shouldn't need a day to remind you to be romantic and do nice things for your partner. And you shouldn't wait all year the is 365 days in the year do nice thing on them all and something special more then once or twice a year
Kayt 22 March 2014 at 4:26 pm
At it's roots Valentines Day is a beautiful celebration. In the roman times an emperor found that the number of young men joining his army was dwindling. He realised it was because the young men wanted to stay home, get married and have a family so the emperor decided to abolish marriage and make it illegal. St Valentine was a priest who married couples in secret, the patron St of Love. Legend has it that when Valentine was caught and jailed he fell in love with the jailer's daughter. Before his death he wrote her a final love letter and signed it "From your "Valentine." There's nothing wrong with celebrating true love :)
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