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Trophy Girlfriends

12 June 2014 5 comments

Years ago, I had a gorgeous girlfriend who was a part time model. Whilst she wasn't the smartest girl I've dated she ticked most of the other boxes. Over time she became a great cook and excelled in the kitchen. She gave me regular massages, cleaned my house, ironed my shirts and was great in the bedroom with an insatiable sexual appetite. I loved taking her out and showing her off to my friends. They worshipped her and so did I for many months. She appeared to be the trophy girlfriend. I thought she was almost perfect.

Trophy GirlfriendTrophy Girlfriend

The cracks in our relationship actually started appearing within weeks of meeting her. At the time I was willing to overlook these early warning signs as she was such a sweetheart and I was really attracted to her good looks. Then a few months into our relationship things worsened. She caused so much drama and gave me so much stress that I struggled to stay connected with her. I began to feel angry about the situation and I harbored resentment towards her.

Eventually I ended the relationship however it was difficult for me as I'd grown very fond of her, even with her misgivings. I remember sternly telling her that I'd rather a girlfriend half as good looking who was twice as much fun and who gave me half as much grief and drama. Should I have nipped it in the bud earlier? In hindsight – yes! At the time I was weighed down with mixed emotions. She had lots going for her and I was prepared to accept that she wasn't the perfect girlfriend. Maybe I placed too much significance on her looks. Of course I liked the idea of having a trophy girlfriend – what hetero guy wouldn't. Perhaps I was addicted to the good sex and I wasn't keen to give that up.

Ultimately, as most people eventually realise, it can't just be about good looks or even great sex. The challenge we all have in relationships is working out what's important to us. Some boxes must be ticked (the deal breakers), others don't matter as much. For me the 'drama and stress free' box is first and foremost. Enthusiasm and positive energy are also absolute prerequisites. Of course you still need to be physically and sexually attracted to someone. Relationships that are based upon the importance of appearance and sexual compatibility, rather than some of the necessary characteristics and traits, are often short lived.

Male friends often complain to me that they struggle to find the perfect girlfriend. And yes they're often looking for one with model looks (sigh). There's an age old adage that men say they need three different girlfriends – a glamorous one that they can parade out at dinners and dates, another who's a great cook and housekeeper and another who's dirty and adventurous in the bedroom. Finding a girlfriend who's all three wrapped in one is supposedly impossible. Or is it? I'm sure many women would disagree!

The Oxford English Dictionary confirms the term trophy wife was first coined by Julie Connelly, a senior editor of Fortune magazine, in a cover story in the issue of Aug. 28, 1989. Although it often has a pejorative spin, the term originally meant the second (or third) wife of a corporate titan, who was younger, beautiful and equally important accomplished in her own right. Trophy wives and girlfriends are normally considered status symbols - they often associated with rich and famous men. There are lots of examples of men with trophy girlfriends - rock stars, films stars and successful businessmen. These days trophy girlfriends and wives generally aren't as accomplished as the men they're with – they're all about the younger glamorous looks (think Dr Geoffrey Eldelston with Brynne Edlesten and his new lookalike girlfriend Gabi Greko).

In 1994 the marriage of former Playboy playmate Anna Nicole Smith to oil magnate, J. Howard Marshall, was widely followed by the U.S. media, as an extreme example of a trophy wife, as at the time of their marriage: he was 89 years old and she was only 26. She was a ravishing young woman and he was a wealthy old man. Hugh Hefner, the founder of Playboy magazine is famous for many reasons including the myriad of young and beautiful trophy girlfriends he's had over the years.

And what about George Clooney? His list of trophy girlfriends is very impressive! There are many media photos of him strutting down the red carpet at a movie premiere with a new very attractive trophy girl on his arm. He's still a devilishly handsome man so maybe he's actually the trophy.

It's obvious that the selection criteria for a trophy girlfriend is rather limited – age and looks are usually paramount (and sometimes their status ie. if they're a model, celebrity or whatever). As we all know relationships can't however be based upon the superficial otherwise they're probably doomed from the outset. So why do men often still go for the trophy girlfriend and why do these women allow themselves to be trophies? Is it fortune and fame that the women are after, or do they really think they might be ending up with Mr Right?

Is it men's egos that push them to try to snare the trophy girlfriends? Is it because they're thinking with their cock rather than their brain? Maybe they're only thinking short term or maybe they're overly optimistic. I've been at many bars and seen firsthand old and overweight businessmen doing their best to tune in young ladies – and it's rather embarrassing! These guys haven't worked out yet that money (or the projection that they have plenty) can't buy everything!

And why is it that many men often want the model looking girlfriend but they'd often have sex with any woman? Are men that shallow and hopeless? Yes – many are! A few months ago I saw a young guy in his early twenties wearing a t-shirt with the slogan – I only sleep with the best... but I'll fuck anyone. Nice! I assume he was the recipient of plenty of slaps from disgruntled women (and rightly so) and no sex.

For most male teenagers the only criteria for finding a partner for sex is that she wants to have sex with him. Looks simply don't come into it, however if she was attractive then that would be an absolute bonus. Whether or not he wants to take her out in public is normally never contemplated when his testosterone is flowing so strongly. All they want is to get their rocks off! Unfortunately some men never grow out of this teenage phenomenon. And that's one of the reasons why some men stray from solid and stable relationships – because they can't keep their cock in their pants and they'll have sex with any woman who smiles at them. Obviously it's totally illogical and irrational but that's how some men are.

I was recently asked the question by our staff members Nat and Eyvie at our Bunbury store– why do all men want relationships with trophy looking models but they have no criteria when it comes to just sex? I've tried to answer it above, however in summary I think many men have big ego's, have too much testosterone (apparently this hormone takes the blame for many male issues), they're hopeless and they often think with their cock rather than their brain (maybe this is because of the testosterone).

If you have any more answers then fire away with them. I'm no expert - I simply blurt out my views in the hope they'll foster thoughtful debate.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

Dee 12 June 2014 at 2:57 pm
My partners first wife was a trophy wife. Trouble was 10 years down the track the looks fade and she still cant cook. Now she has all the money from the relationship and he has started from scratch. Must have learnt his lesson now he has me. Brains. Good looks and multi talented. Plus I am financially stable.
Michelle 12 June 2014 at 3:55 pm
I feel that the intense need for a trophy woman actually suggests that a male has a lot of insecurities, rather than an inflated ego! Imagine having so much need of validation from your peers that it affects a lot of your personal decisions, ie staying with someone who you are somewhat miserable with just for the sake of peer envy/approval. A secure and confident individual isn't going to be so fixated on others' opinions of them!!Of course physical attraction is key in a relationship but if I were a man I would definitely draw the line at choosing/staying in an incompatible relationship based on what my peers all like, and it sounds like you have gradually come to that same conclusion yourself. Beauty is so subjective, however society (fuelled by fear-based marketing at it's core) encourages us all to seek out a very narrow definition of beauty, whilst shaming anyone who "settles for less" (than the current beauty standard). It's this societal core of intense marketing that has driven forth the contemporary need for trophy wives and the like. Women's and men's magazines are mostly advertising and advertising-hidden-as-beauty-tips which direct the reader to buy products for the purpose of gaining closer proximity to that narrow beauty standard. They use the subtle threat of "the opposite/same sex won't find you attractive if you lie outside this ideal and you'll be alone forever" (exploiting the common fear of being alone). As a byproduct of this, we are encouraged to seek out a partner that will earn us respect and admiration from our peers, who in turn will covet what we have and buy more and more products to help them get what we have! Sorry about the large tangent, but it has a basis in truth!!:D Chelle (one of your awesome employees)
Anon 12 June 2014 at 6:02 pm
Now picture you are a man, not a wealthy man. Just a man in general. You find a young "trophy" woman, who you get on with, who's sexy, who's good in bed and who seems almost perfect and she seems crazy about you. Are you going to jump at the opportunity to keep this woman? Of course yes! Not only do you get to show this babe off to your friends, but you get to go to bed with her as well - and she seems like she's making you happy and there is a chance that she could continue to make you happy - are you going to take that chance? Of course you are! Some relationships where there is a trophy wife, actually do work...... not all are failures. Asking the question why do all men want relationships with trophy wife's but don't have expectations when you go to bed is the same as asking, why would woman want a relationship with a hot, sexy, gorgeous man who's fun and makes you feel like you are young and alive, but when the woman is horny and can't find that, will continue settle going home with a normal looking guy?In life, everyone has a standard that they consider a "trophy wife" and every one wants to find their version of this trophy wife that they can be proud of and parade around saying look how beautiful this woman is and she loves ME :) as a woman, if i had a really hot boyfriend, I would do the exact same thing. Show him off to everyone! it's not always insecurity , sometimes its just an acceptance of wow, I have just found a beautiful human being who loves me - everybody look how beautiful they are and that they love me! :) It's a pride and yes it is ego, but it isn't necessarily insecurity :)Sex is very different. One night stands are over quickly. They fill a void. They satisfy your sexual desire. Everyone wants a relationship with their version of a trophy wife/husband or their perfect idea of a woman or man.
Josephine 14 June 2014 at 10:18 am
Seems to me the lifestyle you lead attracts drama therefore did she really have a chance to begin with?
AmberSweet 8 September 2014 at 3:16 am
What an amazing comment! I couldn't hav said it better myself! I am training to become a trophy wife now & I love it! Also, I am learning about etiquette, housecleaning, current events, and I am becoming a gym bunny so I am aesthetically pleasing at all times. I can tell that my man loves me to the ends of the earth, but once I told him about my goals, his eyes lit up & he has been SO supportive of it. I
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