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Swinging – Do's and Don'ts Part 2

27 February 2014 1 comment

Last week I covered off what I think are the most important "Do's" when it comes to swinging. I realise swinging isn't for all couples however for those who do like to, or are interested in actively sharing their partner with another couple, it's probably more important to understand the Don'ts than the Do's. Here are my views on the most important Don'ts:

SwingersSwingers

  • Don't consider swinging unless your relationship is strong, problem free and built on solid foundations like trust. It's not a solution to any issues you both may be having, sexual or otherwise.
  • Don't do anything that you aren't totally comfortable with doing. This means that you shouldn't do something just because your partner is either forcing or coercing you to do it. Many men fantasize about seeing two women getting it on sexually and often when two couples hook up the men are overly keen and pushy to live out this fantasy. Similarly men are often impatient and anxious about swapping partners as they can't wait to have sex with the other woman. Don't participate in something that you're either not into or not ready for.
  • Don't forget to pleasure your partner! No one wants to feel left out. Jealousy issues are often potentially bubbling away and are ready to come to the surface at any moment. If you're a guy who appears oblivious to the fact that your wife or girlfriend is on the bed entwined with the four of you, ie. You're focusing all of your energy on pleasuring the other woman, then this will more than likely cause issues. Similarly if you're a woman who's eyes have widened and jaw has dropped after the other man has pulled his pants down - if you then pounce too quickly, and stay glued to, his wonderfully huge penis, then this may trigger a few negative emotions with your own partner (and possibly the other woman). Eagerness and willingness is usually applauded but sometimes restraint, thoughtfulness and diplomacy are required.
  • Don't deviate from the rules and boundaries that you and your partner have agreed to prior to meeting the other couple. If you're considering breaking the rules consider asking your partner during the interlude but be aware that you'll be putting them in a very awkward situation that may make them feel like they're under pressure. They are not going to want to upset you and they're probably not going to want to appear prudish however they may feel like they're in a no win situation if they don't really want to do it and you're asking them to do it (dammed if I do and dammed if I don't logic). If this situation arises then I can guarantee you'll regret it after when you get back home and face the wrath of your partner. It's far easier to stick to the rules this time and then wait until after for the ‘debrief' to consider adopting different rules or boundaries.
  • Don't do anything that may leave your partner feeling disempowered. To the contrary you need to ensure your partner feels confident and allowed to explore their sexual fantasies. And they need to know that you're happy with them pleasuring the other couple (assuming it's within the boundaries you've agreed upon) .This means you need to encourage your partner during the session. And you need to reassure them that you're comfortable with what they're doing.
  • Don't whisper in the ear of one of the other couple or if you do be prepared to be challenged by your partner later as to what the whispering was about. Swinging is something that should have no secrets, or perceived secrets. It's generally conducted in the open. In saying this, experienced swingers are sometimes comfortable with swapping partners and having sex in different rooms ie. without their partner present. This generally isn't the norm as it's usually more exciting for couples to watch their partner being pleasured and watch them pleasure someone else. And couples usually want to interact with each other whilst participating in partner swapping action.
  • Don't make any attempts to contact the other couple, or one of the other couple separately, without agreeing the parameters with your partner. Again remember that jealousy issues can arise. Unless you're in an open relationship your partner is not going to want you to contact the other couple without their knowledge. This particularly applies with the guy from one couple secretly contacting the other woman or vice versa. You need to try to be as open and as honest with your partner as possible. Remember you have a very unique, and hard to find, partner who is into swinging and allowing you to have sex with others providing it's in an open forum (all together). Don't risk damaging your relationship by meeting another couple, or someone you've met through swinging, clandestinely.
  • Don't brag about your sexual conquests to others (fellow swingers or friends). Discretion is paramount for most swingers. Another couple doesn't want to hear you boast about other couples you've played with (although some probably don't mind). Boasting certainly doesn't exhibit discretion! And it's generally a turn off for most people.
  • Don't view swinging as a way to ‘cheat' with your partner. This is where honesty becomes a prerequisite. Swinging is something that you and your partner need to do together, physically and emotionally.
  • Don't get into arguments with your partner in front of another couple you're considering playing with. This will potentially kill any chemistry or excitement. If you want to debate or clarify something then speak in private away from the other couple. This is especially the case if you want to consider breaching any rules or boundaries you'd previously agreed.
  • Don't offend another couple in any way. You don't want to cause issues in their relationship or leave them feeling disgruntled.
  • Don't play when you're under the influence of recreational drugs. Similarly don't get too drunk beforehand or during. Playing in either situation could see rules broken, overzealous behaviour, disregard for others feelings etc. This scenario can result in regret after. However, a few drinks to help relax you and set the mood is fine.
  • Don't forget to debrief with your partner immediately after your experience. This is mandatory and will ensure you don't leave any issues unresolved. You also need to discuss what you both liked and disliked and whether or not you want to try it again.
  • Don't forget to also discuss with the other couple what you liked and disliked. If you loved the experience and want to try it again with them then let them know as it's not usually taken for granted that you'll hook up again.
  • And if you only remember one thing it's this; don't forget to shower your partner with love and affection afterwards. Swinging should be a joyful and pleasurable experience for both of you. And it should ultimately make your relationship stronger.

So that's my list of Don'ts to be considered when swinging. Whilst some of the points may apply to hardcore swingers who are enmeshed in that type of lifestyle, it's probably more pertinent for those who are considering indulging or for those who are relatively inexperienced. .

I'm certainly not an expert on swinging so it's quite possible I've missed a few points here. As always I'd love to hear your feedback particularly if you have some other tips for fellow readers and ‘sexual fantasy adventurers'.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

knkitime 16 March 2014 at 2:10 pm
I also think it is important during the "debriefing" that you ask your partner how they felt watching you, seeing you, how they were they turned on. Always tell them how you felt, what parts of them with another turned you on. I'm a big believer in the details, the small ones the small drawn out way of explaining these details, like a verbal tease. It can lead to the ride home steamy and hot and the thought of the pleasures you shared with others enticing you to use that raw lust to reinforce each other that they are the ones they are attracted to and that you swing to make your sex life more stimulating and make you more excited for each other. Swinging is not about wife swapping, its about mutual sexual gratification, voyeurism, exhibitionism. But the biggest turn on I feel is looking over at your partner and them watching you with another and seeing the lust and excitement and yes sometimes pride in there eyes "she's mine!"...or "I know just how good his tongue/fingers are" watching him bring enjoyment to another.
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