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Sex Injuries

5 December 2013 1 comment

Most sex injuries appear funny, that is unless they happen to you! And why do we like to laugh at someone else's misfortune? If a friend told us of a near car accident because someone went through a red light we'd be shocked and a chill would probably run up our spine. But if they told us that they nearly ran off the road whilst driving, and receiving a blow job at the same time, we'd probably have quite a chuckle.

Shagger's Back Shagger's Back

I've had my fair share of sexual mishaps over the years, some that have left me wincing in excruciating pain, and some that have had me rolling around on the bed, or floor, in hysterical laughter. We've all had a sex injury, or a number of them, at some stage of our life. Luckily most aren't serious, however some really can be, and those that are can result in long term physical and even emotional damage.

So why are we prone to sex injuries? Perhaps it's the physical nature of having sex, or our need to try to new positions and new things, or our need to experiment having sex in different places like on the beach or on the car bonnet or in the great outdoors. Maybe it's the fact that we get so carried away with the pleasure of it all that we just don't think of what the consequences are should something go desperately wrong (like falling off the car bonnet). For these reasons, and many more, anyone who's having sex is at risk of injury. And you can expect a few more as time goes on. Hopefully they'll be funny at the time and not leave you or your partner with a lasting condition or reminder!

In October this year the Australia High Court rejected a claim from a female employee who'd been out of town on a work related trip where she'd brought back a guy she met to her motel room. During a night of vigorous sex the light above the bed dislodged crashing down on her head leaving her with facial cuts and "subsequent physiological damage" (so she claimed). The public servant had taken legal action against her employer citing her sex injuries were work related. The judges disagreed that the injuries she sustained whilst having sex were work related and thus denied her claim against her employer. I'm sure however that there have been many sex injuries resulting from sex in the work place particularly from having sex on a cluttered desk.

What's been my worst sex injury? Probably having my erection bounced upon, and bent in half, by an overzealous and over excited partner, that left me doubled up with throbbing pain. The mere thought of this makes me clench my lower abdominal muscles! I know this is a common injury that many men have regrettably experienced. In extreme cases this can result in the need for surgery...yikes! Left unattended a slightly injured penis can repair itself although this can sometimes leave it with a permanent bend. Unfortunately it can also leave a man with lasting erection issues...and no one wants them!

I'm going to list the most common sex injuries that I've either personally experienced or that I've heard of. Of course there are many others so please share these in your comments.

  1. The broken penis - Yes it's at the top of my list as I'm sure it's the easiest injury a man can get and it can happen having 'normal' sexual intercourse on a bed. Most men will relate to this trauma although it's often just sore for a few days and doesn't require surgery. Note that it's also quite painful for a woman to have a penis pushed hard against the outside of her vagina (if during intercourse it misses the mark).
  2. Sex in the shower – I suppose when you think about it it's an obvious place for an injury to occur. Shower floors are very slippery, it's a confined space, and there isn't much to hold onto to steady either of you. There are however some products you can buy, made specifically for having sex in the shower, which make sex easier and minimize the risk of a mishap.
  3. Falling off the bed – I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard this happening. It's very common however fortunately this generally only results in some bruising and a fair bit of laughing. When it's happened to me in the past I've simply continued having sex on the floor.
  4. Heads smashed against the bed head – Usually it's the woman who has her head banging up against a bed head if she's on the bottom during intercourse with a man who forgets his own power when thrusting. Most of the time a man is bigger than his partner so it's actually quite easy to move her along the bed, and towards the bed head, when he's on top and overly enthusiastic.
  5. Lack of lubricant – Unless she's well lubricated it'll cause discomfort for him and her. If intercourse continues for too long, or if it's quite physical, then this can lead to serious issues for both. Using lubricant before or during sex will minimize friction and of course increase the pleasure. Lubricant is especially important for anal penetration.
  6. Sex on the beach – As a teenager, and even as an adult, most of us has had sex on the beach. It's usually a great idea at the time, especially if you've had a few drinks. Unfortunately sand can be very abrasive for both him and her. Similarly sex in the bush can have even more scope for an injury due to sand, dirt, tree branches, insects, creepy crawlies etc.
  7. "Shagger's back" – Many a guy walking around with a sore back has been accused, usually by his mates, of it being caused by rigorous sex. In fact I think men use the 'too much sex' line when they have a sore back to try and impress their mates. I do know however that it's a common male ailment associated with sexual intercourse.
  8. Pulled hamstring – Apparently this is a common injury that women on their back can sustain when men try to pull their legs up too high, or when they try and put a woman's feet up and behind her ears. Unless they're a yoga instructor, who's had a warm up, any woman could expect a torn or strained muscle from this sort of carry on!
  9. B&D or S&M gone wrong – Untrained and inexperienced participants can inflict serious pain, bruises and injuries on a partner if things get out of hand. Asphyxiation can result if things go terribly wrong. Normally those that indulge in B&D or S&M have safe words that are used to stop whatever's happening. If someone can't actually talk, for instance if they have a gag in their mouth, safe words probably aren't too 'safe' after all.
  10. Heart attack – Elderly and also unfit men are prone to heart attack after an energetic bout of sex. These day's men using erection medication like Viagra or Cialis have an increased risk of heart attack or a stroke in the hours immediately following strenuous sex. I suppose most elderly men, if they had to die, would be happy to be known for dying during intercourse.
  11. Inanimate objects and sex toys – I have a friend who's a nurse at a local hospital and she's often astonished at the amount of women who come in with torn vaginas due to an inanimate object being inserted that was too big. Sometimes this can be a sex toy like a huge dong but often she tells me it's things most people wouldn't even contemplate inserting (like bottles for instance). She's also told me about men coming with all sorts of weird things that are 'stuck' or 'lost' in their anus...yikes!
  12. Broken furniture – Whether it's a bed, a hammock, a coffee table or some other piece of furniture I've heard of plenty of injuries due to the furniture breaking.

I asked around the adultshop.com office to see who had the funniest, or most unusual, sex injury. One of the ladies had experienced a nasty incident a few years back when her boyfriend was performing oral sex on her and he nearly choked to death from swallowing a rather large piercing she had in her labia. Apparently it was lodged in his throat for many minutes before he finally was able to retrieve it.

I'm sure you've probably had other sex injuries, or heard of others, that you'd like to share. If so then please tell us in your comments.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

Richard Realivasquez 18 February 2014 at 7:50 am
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