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What men think is BAD SEX

26 June 2014 12 comments

"I always prefer to have sex with the average looking escorts rather than the hot model lookalikes!" This was my friend Amit's response when I asked him about the escorts he employed and in particular which ones he had sex with. Back in 2001 I was travelling back and forth to New York where I was finalizing a deal with Amit, the owner of one of New York's largest escort agencies, to create an online worldwide directory of escorts.

Bad sex for men?Bad sex for men?

My first visit to his office was an eye opener! The waiting room (actually it looked like a large lounge room) had dozens of escorts waiting between jobs. And many of them were very attractive! His general manager showed me through their database of hundreds of glamorous escorts (and many other escorts that ranged from plain to almost ugly duckling). I was quite surprised at how many escorts he had on the books and the fact that many were young hot university students.

Each night Amit would take me out for dinner to one of New York's best restaurants and he'd always invite two of his hottest escorts to accompany us. Many of his top escorts were making over US$20,000 a week tax free (I'll save that story for another blog post). The girls were always invited just for show, as was the cash he splashed all over the city. When I quizzed him one night at dinner about which of his employees he had sex with (he was single for obvious reasons) I clearly remember him saying that he was tired and bored of having sex with his gorgeous escorts. Apparently they just laid there and didn't want to get their hair messed up or their make-up smeared and blemished. He much preferred the escorts who were less attractive, who were more enthusiastic and didn't worry about how their hair or make-up looked. It didn't quite make sense to me at the time.

The idea than a man can have 'bad sex' is considered an oxymoron (self contradictory, illogical and incongruous) by most men. I had considered writing a one liner for this post that basically said providing a man ejaculates during sex then he doesn't even contemplate whether or not it was bad sex ie. ejaculation equals good sex. And for many men this would be the case; however for most men there are factors which would define whether or not the sex was good or bad. For example I do have a buddy who often tells me that his conquests (he rarely has a girlfriend) never manage to please him and he has to masturbate to bring himself to orgasm after he's finished having sex with them – ah, I think he could have an affliction!

Many men use the services of escorts. They're normally women they've never met before (although sometimes they become a 'regular') and men can quite easily have good sex with them even though there is no emotional connection, no sexual chemistry and sometimes little or no physical attraction. When it comes to differentiating good sex form bad sex we're generally quite different from women... in fact some women would say we're just hopeless! One of the biggest differences between a man and a woman, when it comes to good sex versus bad sex, is that many men need their ego stroked in order to feel 'manly' and believe they're having good sex.

After discussing the topic with some male friends and reviewing responses from a call out, this is what I've compiled as my list of what men consider as bad sex:

  1. Poor hygiene – yes it's no surprise that men don't like bad breath or unpleasant body odour. Unfortunately with some women their pussy and ass can smell quite rank at times. This is very off-putting especially if a man is trying to perform oral sex. It can lead to erection issues and/or contribute to difficulties in achieving an orgasm for a man. Healthy women who have good hygiene generally don't have any issues although a shower or use of a bidet before sex usually ensures everything smells 'fresh'.
  2. Perfunctory sex and a bad attitude - even though a man can still ejaculate and it's still sex, no man wants his partner to act like she's only doing it because she believes she has an obligation. It can be a deal breaker if she doesn't have the right attitude. She needs to be enthusiastic and willing. A number of married men have complained to me that they feel their wives 'allow' them to have sex with them (ie. wives perform their wifely duty) and they then make out they've done them a favour. Epic fail as far as a man is concerned!
  3. Women who are dry - apart from being abrasive to a man's penis, men often view this as a sign a woman isn't really excited or turned on (it can be a male ego killer). Just as a woman views a man with no erection after foreplay, a man views a woman with a dry vagina as dispassionate and disinterested in them. And if a man puts his hand down a woman's panties, say after some lustful kissing and he can feel her abundant stickiness almost running down her legs then this makes him feel very masculine. The sex will usually always be good for him if he feels like a stud! I think most men realise however that women's dryness can happen sometimes (this is when lube is needed).
  4. Women who use sex as a weapon or a bargaining tool - this is usually only the domain of married couples as generally unmarried guys wouldn't otherwise put up with this type of blackmail. Women know that most men will do almost anything to get sex so they often use this as a bargaining tool to get things done around the house, like the lawn moved or gardens done. Similarly in arguments women often turn off the 'sex tap' as a form of punishment even though it can be equally as frustrating for them (assuming they have a healthy libido). Not cool!.
  5. Women who insist on a man wearing a condom – some men simply hate wearing condoms. They have no concern for potential pregnancies or the risk of contracting an STI (not so clever). Whilst condoms are often only used in casual sex situations or during the early stages of relationships some men loathe using them so much that they lose their erection or experience lack luster orgasms.
  6. Women who don't know what pleases them – whilst most men dislike the idea that their partner has had many other sexual partners they also don't like it when a woman doesn't know what turns her on or gets her off in bed.
  7. Women who have high expectations – most men can't perform like a porn star, so if women set the bar too high then the pressure of this can often be overwhelming for men leading to erection difficulties or self esteem issues. And this can equal bad sex in a man's eyes.
  8. Women who fake orgasms - whilst this isn't always easy to pick up on I think most guys can determine if she's faking or not. And if she is then that's going to hurt his ego. Another epic fail as far as a man is concerned.
  9. Women who don't ever orgasm – obviously not all women orgasm every time they have sex. Men can usually deal with this (note some men don't care either way), however if a woman never orgasms this can dent a man's ego. And dented ego's during sex can mean bad sex for a man.
  10. Women who need mountains of foreplay – most men would prefer foreplay of less than 3 minutes! We do however acknowledge that most women need substantially more foreplay. There is a time limit before men become bored and end up having bad sex. Couples need to be on the same page with the time limit.
  11. Women who don't sometimes initiate sex - men get sick and tired of having to initiate sex all the time, especially if they're often rejected. Married men can often find themselves in this position, particularly if they've been married for many years. Men like the idea that their partner might initiate sex sometimes too. It makes them feel wanted and 'studly' (and again it strokes their ego). If men have to constantly badger their partner for sex then this can be unfulfilling for them (actually probably for both parties). What men want is a passionate woman who is eager to please and be pleased in the bedroom!
  12. Women they can't trust – if a man knows his partner is cheating, or has cheated on him (or is flirting too much with other men), he loses his trust in her and once it's lost it's very hard to get back. Whilst he's often still happy to have sex with her after discovering her indiscretions (I don't personally agree with this) it's usually unrewarding sex that leaves him angry and hurt afterwards.
  13. If a man finds her body a turn off - as I've previously mentioned many men often don't really care if they're not that attracted to a woman as they'll still have sex with her if given half a chance, however as soon as they've ejaculated they're probably going to feel a bit underwhelmed. And then again some men probably won't give a hoot, as they consider any sex to be good sex (another example of how hopeless men are sometimes).
  14. Women who are selfish in bed - just like some men there are some women who don't care if their man is sexually fulfilled. Their main objective is to get as much pleasure from the experience as possible with little consideration for his needs. Obviously this relationship is doomed unless they work it out. No one likes a selfish partner in bed as they'll never feel that good about the sex they have together.
  15. Vanilla sex – many men don't like vanilla sex as it can become monotonous and boring. Whilst everyone has their own subjective views on what they deem is vanilla sex, ultimately boring sex is bad sex!
  16. Sex when women are menstruating - some men don't care but the majority do, especially if it's a surprise when they look down and see a mess... yikes! This can be awkward for both!
  17. Sex with an ex – when men are in their twenties and have super high testosterone, or if they're not thinking rationally when they're older, they can easily fall into the trap of having sex with an ex. Usually they regret it the moment they roll on their backs post orgasm because that's when their ex normally starts asking where their relationship is heading and if they're now back together or not. Oh dear... big mistake! If men were to think logically (I acknowledge that's not always possible when it comes to men and sex) then they'd probably just masturbate instead! Then again couples who've broken up can sometimes just need time apart to sort through their issues or to come to the conclusion that the grass really isn't any greener on the other side.
  18. Women who are too demanding in the bedroom - whilst this might sound great it can be emotionally and physically exhausting for a man if his partner is too demanding, particularly if he's not up for it or his libido doesn't match hers. As incredulous as it may seem this can be considered bad sex by some men.
  19. Women who are hopeless at oral sex - I've never met a man who doesn't like a blowjob before or during sex... or as the main event. Unfortunately some women disappoint when it comes to performing oral sex. Years ago I had an overly excited and under-experienced girlfriend who sucked so hard that she left numerous blood blisters on my cock. This definitely wasn't good sex for me!
  20. Women who don't have strong kegel muscles – in last week's post I wrote how some women don't like having sex with a man who has a small penis. Well the flip side of that is that some women have 'loose' vaginas and there are men who aren't going to enjoy sex in these situations. Women can strengthen their kegel muscles (making their vagina tighter) using various exercises including using various sex toys like Ben Wa Balls.
  21. Fingers jammed in our ass without discussion - most men don't like this little surprise. In this instance it's generally better to ask for permission rather than forgiveness.
  22. Messy anal sex – men and women often panic about the possibility of this. If you're going to engage in anal sex then there are ways to minimise or ensure it's not messy.
  23. Too much love talk during or after sex – most men want their partner to talk about their sexual fantasies or what they want you to do to them whilst they're engaging in sex. They generally don't want too much romantic or love talk during sex. And many men are also allergic to such talk straight after sex. Note we also hate women who talk about unrelated topics whilst having sex ie. like what to cook for dinner or what's on TV. Boring!
  24. Sex injuries –these can painful for either or both parties. Bad sex!
  25. Comparing us to ex boyfriends whilst having sex – men hate this, particularly if the woman says her ex is better looking, has a better body or a bigger cock, is fitter, he ejaculates more or that he can last far longer and can get hard again moment later in preparation for round 2. And we don't want to hear that he's far kinkier (if that's at all possible) or how the sex with him was "amazing". These types of remarks are all ego killers that sap a man of self esteem.
  26. Squirting or making too much mess on our side of the bed - whilst men usually love women who either squirt or who produce a lot of fluid whilst having sex, they want women to have some consideration for where it all ends up. No one wants to sleep in the wet and sticky patch!
  27. Insecure women – a woman who is not confident in herself can lead to a lacklustre performance in the bedroom.
  28. Women who like violent or abusive sex – this can be challenging for a man and usually means bad sex!
  29. Stopping masturbation or oral sex as soon as we start ejaculating – when a man begins ejaculating this is the start of his orgasm, not the finish! And it's a very critical juncture of his orgasm. What women do at this point can make or break the logic of 'good sex'. The head of a man's penis is very sensitive as he begins to ejaculate and most men would usually like the stimulation to continue for a while longer. If a woman is masturbating a man then they shouldn't stop until he's finished ejaculating and orgasming (note some men can actually orgasm without ejaculating... show offs!). And if a woman is performing oral sex until a man ejaculates then men often like the oral sex to continue for a while (and sometimes even to the point their penis becomes flaccid).
  30. Non understanding women - yes women must remember our brain is connected to our cock ie. they need to understand that men don't always get or stay rock hard and it's for various reasons like we're sleepy, stressed, annoyed with them, had a big day at work or whatever. Believe it or not some men aren't always up for sex and if they have sex to appease their partner then it's often not rewarding for them.
  31. Women who insist their pets are allowed on the bed – generally men think this is fine however only up until the point that sex is initiated, then it's time for the dog or cat to leave the room. No man wants to have a pet lick his genitals, bite him or just stare at him whilst he's giving their 'mummy' some action.

As I mentioned earlier I had actually considered, for a laugh, doing a 2 liner on the topic by simply saying that if a man ejaculates then it's good sex. This however is really a misconception amongst women. It's not the case at all as men can have bad sex just as women can.

If after reading this post you think I've missed something, or you'd like to comment, then please fire away!

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

Suburban Sally 26 June 2014 at 6:55 pm
I'm very sorry to read that women who "insist on condoms" is considered "bad sex". Perhaps if there was less use of escorts, less cheating (men AND women!) this would not be on the list.But a woman who has self respect and wishes to protect herself (or even her partner) considered "bad sex"? She obviously fancies the fellow enough to have sex with him, so wouldn't that in itself make it GOOD sex?I think you should rethink posting point 5. It "promotes" unsafe sex. Impressionable people may read this article and risk exposing themselves to god knows what in their desire to avoid bad sex.
Chris 27 June 2014 at 10:46 am
Condoms tend to become painful after not that long(for me anyway). So unless you are just up for a quickie it can easily become bad sex.Point 5 is certainly valid for me. New partner I will put up with it. Once there is trust I will want to do away with it.Self respect has nothing to do with it, if this is how you measure self respect I feel a little disappointed for you. Sex is a 2 way thing and not everyone is compatible, if condom everytime is the way for you then that's great. Just don't try to push your opinion or preference as a definition for self respect.
Pixie Bebeklis 28 June 2014 at 8:42 am
Definitely am lost at the 'insists on condoms' part too---are we encouraging unsafe sex here?
Pixie Bebeklis 28 June 2014 at 8:44 am
Chris, bahahahahahahaha!Self-respect has nothing to do with it??? Keep feeling disappointed for Sally...I'm sure she has enough self respect to not care about your unenlightened narrow perspective. You need an education--are you 20?
Kate 28 June 2014 at 11:24 am
I love that you have included women with pets! I have had a particularly bad experience when my cat jumped on the back of a man while we were going at it! Maybe the cat thought I was being attacked and came to my rescue? :)
Sublime 29 June 2014 at 12:42 am
Ironic that the majority of men wanting to do away with condoms are the ones who aren't wanting an actual relationship. There is no trust there so if ur having casual sex then expect it to be "BAD" with condoms. I might like u, but I like my health n safety a lot more... even with all my kinks.
Scoobydoc 29 June 2014 at 12:57 pm
personally, I think a lot of these points sounds like men being selfish. if my man pointed any of these out to me, he would be straight out the door. as long as both parties are coming to the party equally understanding of what the other (and themselves) wants then there should be any need to complain. and if you happen to pick someone with a *fault* or two, then that's just as much your fault as it is theres.
Astrid 30 June 2014 at 6:50 pm
I think number 27 should have been last. The rest of the list leads to a women being insecure.What do men want?? Are women really in control of all of what is on this list?Sorry, only orgasm a certain way, still enjoys sex, gives great head, but HE can't make me orgasm, so it is bad sex. OR maybe She could, but oh dear, that would mean more than 3 minutes of foreplay, which is bad sex.Oh, he wants anal, but OH no, it got a messy, so there fore bad sex. Oh, HE can leave a wet patch, but how dare she! Oh, no more bad sexI found this blog interesting until now. Men complain they can't win with women, well from this, looks like no matter what a woman do they can't win either.
sharon 30 June 2014 at 8:15 pm
Good read Mal! Sexology is a passion of mine too and I hope to write similar blogs from a woman's perspective one day. After having had many conversations with male friends, my own personal experiences and even hearing stories from my girlfriends experiences, I believe your blog was pretty spot on! :)
Anon 1 July 2014 at 6:59 pm
I think men complaining about condoms is pretty pathetic, considering that women have to put up with the pill, diaphragms and implants. Condoms are smart and safe, these days you can buy really nice thin ones you can hardly feel.I'm sure if the pregnancy situation was reversed men would feel very different about condoms
Pixie O'Malley 7 October 2014 at 3:51 am
Hey SalJust wanting to say that sex workers statistically have the lowest sti rates due to their strict use of condoms. So having sex with escorts is less of a risk factor than having sex with the girls that slit themselves out for free in night clubs drunk/high and with no protection(!). Interestingly, the demographic with highest sti rates are elderly people in nursing homes, go figure.I myself am a semi retired sex worker (drug and disease free) and have met a number of men who really struggle with the condom thing. Everyone's bodies are different. I used to as well until I discovered non-latex condoms and now they are no longer painful for me. Latex can contribute to thrush and bacterial vaginosis in women.Not everything is black and white, it's about balance.
7 September 2018 at 9:01 am
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