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Male Libido

27 March 2014 4 comments

Early last year a friend of mine was constantly lamenting his low libido. Every time we caught up, the subject of his low sex drive would feature heavily in our chats. He's in his early forties, has been married for over ten years and has a few young children. And he just didn't feel like having sex very often with his wife! I suggested he have some blood tests done and discuss the results with his doctor or a specialist. There are a number of factors that could adversely impact upon a man's sex drive. Hormonal issues, like low levels of testosterone, can often be a problem for men when they hit their forties. At the time I thought it was more than likely that he had low testosterone levels.

Male LibidoMale Libido

Well he didn't bother getting the blood tests done as I suggested. In fact a couple of weeks after our last chat about his low libido he split up with his wife. He then confided in me that they'd been having relationship issues for a while. A few months later he met a new lady who's a few years younger than him. They've been together about nine months now and all I ever hear from him is how much sex he's having and how great the sex is. He's now having sex every day - morning and night... and also in the afternoon on most weekends.

Finally last month he decided to get some blood tests and have them analysed by his doctor. It turns out that his hormones levels are fine and specifically his testosterone level is at the higher end of the range for his age. So why the low libido when he was with his wife? He agrees that they'd lost the passion in their relationship. Whilst they were still in love and best friends he simply wasn't that interested in sex with her anymore. And it had nothing to do with his testosterone. It was because they were having problems in their relationship and they'd lost that spark, or lust, for each other.

At one end of the spectrum you have men who aren't really that interested in having sex and at the other end you have men who may be classed as sex addicts (I'm thinking of celebrities like Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods). Back in 2012 I travelled to Vegas with a group of other guys to meet the twelve greatest boxers of all time. Whilst out at a bar one night one of the guys confessed to me that he usually masturbated at least seven or eight times a day and if he didn't, he'd get restless and agitated. It made sense as he didn't stop chasing the ladies all night and day whilst we were in Vegas. I remember thinking that his overly fervent sexual appetite was a problem!

So why the disparities in male sex drives and what factors affect their libidos? Whilst there are many factors that can impact upon the male libido they're all biological, physiological or social.

Biological Factors

Testosterone is the hormone of sexual desire in men and women! Low testosterone usually equates to low sexual desire. Levels drop primarily due to age although chronic disease, medication and recreational drug use can also seriously decrease testosterone temporarily. Whilst testosterone is the primary indicator of sexual desire other hormones can also have a diminishing effect. Blood tests can often pick up if any of the body's hormone producing glands are not functioning correctly.

Proscar is a drug used to treat enlarged prostates and also male pattern baldness. A side effect of the drug is that it reduces testosterone. I think most men would prefer to be bald and still have a sex drive rather than have a fuller head of head and no drive.

Physiological Factors

Depression, stress and fatigue can all negatively affect a man's libido. When a man suffers from stress, whether it be work related, a result of financial problems or whatever, it certainly can have a profoundly negative effect on his desire for sexual activity.

Hang ups about sex or sexual performance can dent anyone's urge for sexual activity. Ultimately they're issues that couples need to openly discuss with each other and try to resolve. If they're left unattended then over time they can often do irreparable damage to sex lives which can in turn create relationship problems.

As my friend with the new lady now understands relationship issues are often the number one lust killers. A man's penis is connected to his brain (some women may argue a man's brain is in his penis). Because of the link between the brain and a penis if a man is upset, angry, disappointed or just terribly unhappy because of relationship problems then there is generally no way he wants to have sex. An argument before bedtime is usually the quickest way to ensure a man remains erectionless for the next few hours.

If a man has difficulty in attaining or maintaining an erection this is not always an indication of a low level of sexual desire. Often men with erectile dysfunction have a normal, or even high, libido. There are options available to help remedy the situation for men who suffer from erectile dysfunction.

Latent homosexuality, or confusion in relation to their sexual orientation, can result in a low libido.

Other physiological causes include anxiety, trauma and sexual abuse. Negative body image can also damage a person's confidence and self esteem to the point they're less interested in sex.

Obesity, high blood pressure and high cholesterol can adversely impact upon sexual desire.

Obviously there's a correlation between these health related factors and diet, exersize, lifestyle, stress management, smoking, sleep etc.

Social Factors

Unfortunately work can often be all consuming for some men. A long day in the office or an arduous day on the tools can leave a man just wanting to chill at home watching TV rather than have a bedroom romp. It all sounds easy when referring to work - life balance but rarely do we ever get it right.

Similarly, family factors like having children can diminish a man's libido from time to time. I often have friends complaining to me that the pressures of fatherhood gets to them sometime and rather than have sex they'd prefer to just relax.

Overzealous sportsmen and gym enthusiasts often over train to the point they're quite fatigued due to lack of recovery. This is a serious problem with many negative side effects including a lower sex drive. I do find it rather paradoxical that inexperienced young guys at the gym, who don't listen to their body, train hard to look great and attract females, but they often over train resulting in lower sex drives.

So as you can see there are many factors that affect the male libido. Next week I'm going to post ways to improve a man's libido. In the meantime I'd love to hear your views on the male libido and any tips you may have on how a man can either increase his libido or minimise its diminishment.

Delivering passion and pleasure.


afternoondelight 27 March 2014 at 3:40 pm
Thanks Mal! This is a really informative entry. I have been with my husband ten years, and since the third year (after the honeymoon period ended) we've had to negotiate a substantial libido gap - his being the lower. I felt really unprepared for this, as women are led to believe that all men want sex all the time. Understanding that this is not the case has helped me not to take his lower libido so personally.. Though it is definitely a work in progress!
sheridanb 27 March 2014 at 3:54 pm
afternoondelight, I'd highly recommend you read a book called 'Good Loving, Great Sex' by Dr Rosie King which deals a lot with desire discrepancy between men and women in couples (both way), why it can happen and has a lot of great practical strategies you can employ to bridge the gap
afternoondelight 27 March 2014 at 5:40 pm
thanks sheridanb! I will check it out. =)
Marion McRae 27 March 2014 at 9:17 pm
Great article ....little discussed topic. My husband found good results in Libido with a combination of reading the book "becoming orgasmic" Joseph Lopiccolo and drinking Sexy Tea (new herbal blend of tea) I discovered on Facebook?
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