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Is Chivalry Dead?

1 August 2013 1 comment

When Maria Wallis, our store manager of adultshop.com in Tasmania, suggested to me last week that I should write about chivalry I was initially dismissive of the idea. I don't really have many views on chivalry other than men being generally gracious, gentlemanly and courteous towards their sweetheart and other women. It turns out there is considerable discussion in our society today regarding the matter so I decided to jot a few points down to 'foster further debate'.

Your knight in shining armourYour knight in shining armour

Chivalry, or the chivalric code, is the traditional code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood. From the twelfth century onward chivalry came to be understood as a moral, religious and social code of knightly conduct. The particulars of the code varied, but codes would emphasize the virtues of courage, honour, and service. Chivalry also came to refer to an idealization of the life and manners of the knight at home in his castle and with his court.[1] Back then it appears there were three types of chivalry classified; warrior chivalry, religious chivalry and courtly love chivalry.

What did they mean by courtly love chivalry? Apparently it meant that a knight's chief duty was to his own lady, and after her, all ladies, as exemplified by Sir Lancelot in his love for Queen Guinevere. Clearly chivalry has evolved, but how much? The feminist Germaine Greer, author of the best-selling book The Female Eunuch published in 1970, asserted that women do not realise how much men hate them, and how much they are taught to hate themselves. It's no wonder she caused such a stir with the release of this and subsequent man hating books. And she's still espousing that sort of propaganda today! If you believed Germaine Greer's assertions then chivalry would be dead today. The fact is its alive and kicking...but some guys need to be reminded from time to time of its importance.

I personally believe men should do things like open doors for ladies, have certain etiquette at a dinner table with ladies present, buy gifts for their sweetheart, pay for dinner on dates and generally should make a lady feel special. Obviously some things a man should do for a lady regardless of him being interested in them romantically or not. The days of men (previously knights) laying down their jackets in the mud to give ladies a better path to walk are long gone. In today's society chivalrous acts are far less dramatic!

But what about chivalry in the bedroom? An obvious point to be raised is men need to ensure a woman not only orgasms first but is satisfied...and as Maria pointed out to me the woman needs to feel satisfied physically and emotionally after having sex (some men will sigh reading this). What Maria actually said to me was; "some men really don't care enough to take care of their woman's needs. They just get their fix then roll off. Could this be a reason for a woman to go elsewhere for what they crave? I also think that a man that just rolls over is not thinking of the woman's emotional needs as in to hold her after they have made love... it's so important! It's not just the physical need it's the emotional need too".

Maria has some good points! If either partner isn't satisfied both physically and emotionally in a relationship (including in the bedroom) then this will lead to obvious problems including possible infidelity. Whilst it's not an excuse for infidelity, and something I don't advocate, I can understand how it could be a possible catalyst.

My chivalrous bedroom tips for a man:

  • Before getting to the bedroom consider doing things like cooking dinner or doing the dishes. Turns out that this stirs strong emotions for most women making them feel loved up and ready to be aroused.
  • Similarly lots of affection before getting to the bedroom helps turn them on.
  • Get the mood right! I don't mean her mood (hopefully the first couple of dot points assist with this)...the mood of the bedroom, like lighting, music, warmth etc. Even scented candles can work (I know it sounds a little effeminate but give it a try).
  • Attentive lovers get the accolades and the kudos! Watching TV for a while in bed, then rolling over to 'stick it in for a bit' simply can't work for most women. Men need to remember that women need foreplay (some women a lot more than others). The man who gets foreplay, and after-play, right will generally be rewarded with an equally awesome sexual experience, and longer term a better sex life.
  • Don't discount the quickie! Providing you both agree then usually it's better than no sex. Discuss this with your partner before giving it a go.
  • Remember a man's biggest sexual muscle is his brain! The right language, and sexy talk, in the bedroom, can have a woman clawing at you to be pleasured.
  • Women want to be told how beautiful they are....and they want to be wanted! I'm guilty of forgetting this sometimes and also need to 'make a note to self'.
  • If a man focuses his attention on pleasuring his lover, with all of his repertoire of bedroom tricks (including the use of sex toys sometimes), then ultimately he too will be sexually fulfilled.
  • And remember to consider your lovers needs after sex. It's very easy to simply roll over after a good night peck, or jump up out of bed to do something else, however this won't work for most women. In fact, to put it in perspective, if you were nothing more than a booty call, or a new lover, then you mightn't get another phone call!

If all men (including me) endeavour to treat our lady like a queen then we in turn will receive knighthood status from her.

If you have some other tips you'd like to share with me or other readers please comment. I'm by no means an expert on chivalry so would love to hear from readers if you think I've missed some important points.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

huh 12 August 2013 at 1:59 am
lol numbnuts
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