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First time threesomes

3 October 2013 5 comments

When I was in my early twenties I went along to a party with a buddy of mine, Paul. He introduced me to his cousin, Steve. Later that night Steve and I found ourselves flirting with a girl whom we'd met at the party. I remember the girl going to the bathroom and Steve and I haggling over who was going to 'try their best with her'. Before she arrived back we'd decided that we should "join forces" so to speak. Somehow or other the three of us ended up in my bed that night. It turned out to be the first threesome experience for all of us and luckily for all of us it was fantastic. It was random, unexpected and totally hot.

First time threesomeFirst time threesome

A year or so later I found myself in a relationship with a girl who was bisexual. It took me by surprise one night when I came home from work to find her and her girlfriend in the kitchen cooking dinner in lingerie for the three of us. Dinner was followed by wine in the spa then my first threesome with two girls. I can vividly recall the moment both girls were naked and kissing and then doing all sorts of pleasurable things to each other with and without sex toys before they pulled me into the centre of the action. It started off as an awesome experience but, to my dismay and serious disappointment, it ended in tears with both girls crying. Lost in unbridled lust I'd kissed the other girl quite passionately. My girlfriend had urged me to have sex with her, but I hadn't even thought about seeking permission to kiss the girl. Apparently having sex with her was fine but kissing her the way I did caused all sorts of emotional issues. After many discussions thereafter with my girlfriend I learnt something which I'll share with you a bit later in this post.

Fast forward another couple of years when I'm in my mid twenties; laying in bed one night discussing fantasies with my girlfriend at the time, she told me her wildest fantasy would be to have a threesome with me and another guy. She knew I was straight (not bisexual) so it was all about giving her the attention and devotion of two men. I was then in a dilemma as to how I could arrange it. Should I pick a close friend of mine? That left me thinking that maybe she'd like him more than me, or maybe he'd brag about it after to our other mates. At the time I could see how it might have caused potential issues so I decided to call up Steve whom I'd met at the party and had a threesome with a couple of years prior but hadn't seen since. Over time we had a few amazing threesomes with Steve whilst we were together. And we were lucky to never have any jealousy or other issues.

In between girlfriends I've sometimes been the 'extra guy' where I've had threesomes with couples. It's certainly different when you're in this situation (as opposed to being part of a couple). You're expected to perform at least as well as the other guy. This can put a guy under pressure but there's plenty of ways to deal with this which I'll discuss another time.

I'm sure it comes as no surprise to learn that threesomes are the most popular fantasy with both sexes. This doesn't mean that everyone gets to live them out. For some people they'll only ever talk about them but ecstasy awaits for others who are bold enough to take the plunge and give them a go. That's providing they follow a few principles and guidelines. Navigating the way through all the potential issues is no easy feat. After you've discussed and agreed with your partner that you'd both like to try a threesome I've outlined a few points here for you to consider:

  1. Procuring, or finding, a third person for a threesome.This is probably the hardest task! Should you choose a close trusted friend, a total stranger, an ex, someone you have an emotional connection with? I think the answer will vary depending upon the couple. Ideally I believe it should be someone you both know and trust who is not part of your regular life ie. you don't see very often, or it should be a stranger whom you meet and develop trust with.Trust is very important when embarking upon a threesome. There are many reasons why trust is paramount including minimizing the risk of physical or emotional harm, discretion, health, infidelity etc. If you know someone then there is obviously more trust than with that of a stranger. The advantage of picking a stranger is that you can use them simply as a sex object or toy. Secondly I believe there's less chance of any emotional attachment or infidelity with that person. One of the biggest issues couples need to overcome is the prospect of one of the couple running off with the extra person. With a stranger I think this risk is diminished as normally only one party would contact that person leaving limited opportunity for any infidelity. For example if a couple invited a girl for a threesome then it's generally agreed that only the female would contact her.If you're contemplating a stranger then the easiest thing to do is to check out redhotpie.com.au or adultmatchmaker.com.au. This is not without problems as I'm sure there are many fake profiles and also profiles with grossly overstated claims of looks and physical prowess. And some profiles display photos taken years ago. Nevertheless these sites do make it easy to choose potential threesome partners. After corresponding it's a good idea to Skype or cam before meeting. Ideally meeting for the first time, or first few times, should be for a coffee or a drink in a café or bar where you can get to know them a bit and see if you all click. There are a lot of dynamics to get right before you should consider inviting them to join you in the bedroom.Who chooses? This can be an issue. Most guys aren't going to go for his partner saying "honey remember that friend of yours, Mike, who we met at a party a few weeks back, let's invite him over for a threesome. I thought he was gorgeous and I can't wait to get his pants down". No that scenario usually can't work! Similarly a woman doesn't want to hear her partner ask if she can bring a particular friend home for a threesome because he finds her seriously hot and irresistible!A couple can't have jealousy issues or it simply can't work. Envy is fine in certain circumstances ie. if the extra woman is better looking or has better breasts or is younger...or if the extra guy is more muscular, has a much bigger cock, better looking, or whatever. Couples have to trust each other and remember that the extra person isn't much more than a sex toy.Couples have to try and look beyond the extra person being potentially better looking or better 'equipped' than them. They need to remember they're together for more reasons than just looks as there will always be a better looking guy or woman around.If couples have had trust/infidelity issues within their relationship or within previous relationships these need to be addressed before considering a threesome, and then they also need to be discussed post event.
  2. How to invite a third person for a threesome.Obviously if you've met a potential candidate through a website then it's easy. They've told you in their profile that's what they're looking for so it's easy to simply ask them to meet up for a drink and take it from there. But how to ask someone who you already know? It could be very awkward. What if they take offense or even worse say no and tell others about your salacious offer? Yes you can see the potential problems and the various outcomes.Ideally if it's a guy you know who you want to ask to join you in a threesome then it should be the guy (from the couple) who asks him. Most guys would jump at this opportunity so I don't believe it would be too awkward at all. Similarly if it's a woman you know whom you what to join you in a threesome then it should be the woman (from the couple) who asks her. Normally in this case the woman would need to be bi or bi-curious in which case she can start the process by flirting with the other woman to gauge her interest in her. Sometimes it may even be better for the two woman to get to know each other in the bedroom before having the guy join in. This would need to be discussed and agreed by the couple beforehand to avoid potential issues. Note most guys would be comfortable with this subject to a few boundaries being drawn.
  3. Boundaries or rules to avoid jealousy and issues.These definitely need to be discussed and agreed from the outset ie. long before you engage in the threesome. Immediately prior and post activity they should be discussed and agreed again to ensure there are no misunderstanding in order to minimize conflict.Generally the golden rule is that everyone should be involved and pleasured. They should all enjoy it! For instance if it was a threesome involving another woman then you can't have a situation with the guy focusing all of his attention on the other woman but being totally inattentive towards his partner. Similarly if a couple have invited another guy to join them then it can't work if the extra guy is busy having sex with the woman whilst her partner is sitting in the corner twiddling his thumbs and sulking. No one wants to be left out of the action! I have seen these issues arise before and they can be a deal breaker on a go forwards basis ie. the result is the partner left out isn't keen on any further threesome encounters.The next most important rule, or perhaps on par with being the most important, is the safe sex rule. Condoms with lube are an absolute must! You'll need a few of them too. Other safe sex considerations might be the sharing of sex toys with the extra person, ejaculation in the mouth or on the face or body, touching of the anal area and then washing before touching elsewhere, fingers inserted or not, prior inspection of the genital area (ie. for nasties like herpes, warts or sores), saliva (ie. kissing, used as lubricant etc) and even things like bondage and discipline (ie. ensuring boundaries are defined and safe words are used so no one gets physically or emotionally hurt).As I've experienced before there's sometimes a 'no kissing' rule. Other boundaries or rules might be; no anal activity, no finger insertion, no oral sex or no penetrative sex, no rough sex, no hair pulling, no ass smacking, no demeaning action or talk, limited fetish play (there's a need to be specific in this area) and no touching between the guys (unless they're bi, although even straight guys might 'cross swords' from time to time).A good idea is to all have a shower prior. Bidets are very handy too. I have one at home. Personal hygiene is an absolute necessity!Most couples feel more confident when the guy controls the situation if there's an extra guy involved. Likewise if there's an extra woman involved most couples prefer the woman to take charge of the experience and give directions. This helps with potential jealousy issues.All communication outside of the threesome with the third party should be discussed prior and agreed. Normally it's the same sex that communicate (although not always).Couples need to also be mindful of not only their actions during the threesome but also what they say and their reactions as well as jealousy can arise ie. if you've invited an extremely well hung guy to join you then the guy (from the couple) doesn't want to hear his partner rave about how great the invited guy's cock is and how it's giving her the best orgasms she's ever had! Similarly if you've invited another woman to join you then the woman (from the couple) isn't going to want to hear her partner go on about how gorgeous the invited woman is, how much better her body is or things like how much better she is at oral sex (even if these are facts). Couples need to be respectful of how their partner will feel about what they say and do during a threesome, especially if they want future threesomes.
  4. Sex tips for a threesome.Three in the shower, bath or spa is a good way to get naked and the ball rolling. Having a few drinks beforehand is also a great ice breaker and allows everyone to relax somewhat. What you wear, or don't wear, is important as it can set the scene. Some thought should go into this as not only do first impressions count but the right clothes and costumes can make a big difference to the excitement and then ultimately the total experience. Usually a couple will want to see that the extra person has made an effort to impress both of them. It's particularly important if the third person is a guy!Women dressed in sexy lingerie, short dresses or skirts, high boots or stilettos can stir up a lot of sexual tension from the outset. With the scene set, and the sexual tension high, after a few drinks everyone is usually seriously keen to get naked!Massage of one of the trio is a winner! Everyone loves a four handed massage, especially an erotic one! Often it's the female (of the couple) who is massaged by her partner and the extra person. In my experience four handed sensual massages are great foreplay!Inhibitions need to be left at the bedroom door! Do anything and everything that you've agreed and what turns you on. Now's your chance to make your fantasy a reality so be open with you partner what you want to do and don't do! Use sex toys, watch porn (or have it on in the background), talk dirty, try different positions or do whatever you all want and feel comfortable with. Surprises can work too providing you know it's not going to cause issues.Threesome situations sometimes require a guy to use Viagra or Cialis to maintain an erection (or get another one soon after having an orgasm). I certainly recommend this for a first time experience. Limpness can't work usually!Remember - before you get naked you should discuss the rules and boundaries with the third person. Don't be scared to reiterate or remind everyone of them during the action either. It's better to speak up before and during rather than argue about it post event. Permission is more readily obtained than forgiveness!
  5. Post sex etiquette.If it's another guy a couple have brought into the fold then usually he would leave after a) the woman is done with her orgasms ie. she's totally satisfied, and b) after the guy from the couple has also orgasmed (once or multiple times if he can). Ideally he would try and time his orgasm to occur not long after the couple orgasm however if he can't orgasm soon after then he would generally leave without experiencing an orgasm. This isn't usually a big deal for a guy. The last thing a couple wants after they've finished having sex is to have another guy who wants to keep going or is masturbating trying to get himself off. It's often the case that everything is a great idea until you orgasm!When the guy leaves it's normally the case where he kisses the woman on the cheek, tells her how sexy she is and how much he loved the whole experience, and then after shaking the other guys hand he bids them farewell (and he's usually hoping that he gets another phone call very soon).If it's another woman that a couple has invited to join them then the post sex etiquette is definitely different. Both women need to be satisfied, and ideally the guy too, before she leaves. It's not easy finding another woman to join a couple for a threesome. If couples want it to happen again then it's extremely important that both women enjoy themselves.When the woman leaves there are normally extra kisses and hugs shared by all. That's just the way it is!Usually after a threesome experience a couple want to just lie around on the bed and bask in the glory of sexual fulfillment. And they want to discuss it. A 'debrief' is absolutely essential to learn if both parties enjoyed it and to communicate what they didn't like or how they could even make it better next time. Now is the time to review boundaries and rules because they can change over time. What a couple may have agreed prior as a no go zone or activity might be acceptable next time (assuming they want to do it again).I can guarantee that a couple will have many fantastic sex sessions in the days and weeks after their threesome experience when they're talking about it whilst in the throes of passion. It's actually so exciting talking about it post event that most couples will probably even have sex again almost as soon as the extra person leaves.

On a final note it's important for a couple to have an agreed contact 'policy' with the extra person. This policy should include things like how and when contact can be made and should even cover off things like sexting (sending of nude or rude pics, videos and msgs).

I'm not an expert on threesomes but I believe I've given you enough food for thought. I've identified the basic principles to help ensure you enjoy your first time threesome experience. It's definitely something I recommend trying!

As always I'd love to hear your feedback particularly if you think I've missed something important.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

Natasha 3 October 2013 at 4:27 pm
Enjoyable read Mal, great to see your younger days were less than boring :) I think it is very important to discuss theboundaries and limitations prior to action to prevent issues between a couple. A great book to read for those considering experimenting a Threesome is " Three, The Art of the Menage A' Trois" available at Adultshop.com stores
Summer 3 October 2013 at 9:46 pm
Great read! Balance is the key... That all 3 are equally involved and satisfied. Its also always mind-blowing taking turns in completely spoiling one person in the 3, so they can enjoy that double-loved boost ;) i also think from my own experience of being the 'extra' invited to a couple, that it's better to feel valued and thanked and appreciated- rather than just feeling used like a sex toy... After all you are a person too.
Dr. Ava 15 October 2013 at 1:54 am
Great information Mal, that I shared with my social networks :)
Lover Bear 15 October 2013 at 9:15 am
My First Threesomes was when I was in Military over sea in Philippines but it turn out to be more then I image because I so into it that by the night was over I had eight of the most Beautiful Women in the World in the same bed with me. I never had any other time like that only time. But I have other women like two girls from Germany in Santa Maria CA. U.S.A. more then 30 years ago. My has Life been one that if Hughes Hefner would call his son.Because I know I have more 150 women in my life time I have travel around the World while in the Service and each one of these young Beautiful Women was a different Love and place to fell something about them. I still feel like I have ever loss my Charm sometime it just come out on own time when it needed I do try to control it since now I am Married. There are still Beautiful Women who always treated like trash from Boyfriends or Husband who do not need to be treat that way.
sarah 3 November 2013 at 8:34 pm
I had gone to meet up with a 'friend' who I had slept with a few times but his cousin had other ideas and they decided between themselves that if it was ok with me then we would have a threesome. It was, what girl wouldn't say no to having 2 blokes!It was all going great, then the guy who I'd slept with obviously had a change of heart, he stopped, got dressed and walked out, I ended it there too and we all went outside again.Then suddenly it was on! Fists flying everywhere, I had to split it up, there were 5 other blokes there but they were all useless and take my 'friend' home with me to sleep it off, both of them had messed up faces and black eyes for weeks, I felt really bad!It totally put me off and I didn't try it again.My partner now is very jealous and would never go for it if it was another bloke, I think it would be different if I wanted one with a chick tho!
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