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Female Masturbation

24 July 2014 5 comments

In 1995 I started a premium rate phone dating service that quickly morphed into Australia's largest phone sex business. The business employed over 200 women who worked primarily from a large call centre but also sometimes from home. At its peak in the year 2000 we received 70,000 calls a month from around Australia. And they were charged at the bargain rate of $5.50 per minute! It gave me a good insight into male masturbation and what turns men on.

Female MasturbationFemale Masturbation

As the service was 24/7 I regularly dropped into the call centre to say hi to the ladies. Whilst I was there I'd always get some feedback in relation to what the callers called about and the techniques the ladies used to keep the callers online (many calls were for the maximum duration of 60 minutes – note some escorts charged less for an hour of full sex). Most male callers loved the idea of the phone operator masturbating whilst she was talking with him. Usually he'd tell her what he'd like to do to her sexually or he'd ask her to tell him what she'd like him to do to her. Often the caller, or both the caller and the operator, would discuss their fantasies whilst masturbating.

Most ladies had gadgets to assist them in convincing the caller that she was masturbating whilst talking with him. For instance some held an electric tooth brush near the mouth piece and assured the caller she was using a vibrator on her clitoris. Others would use a wet sponge or a soft animal toy that when squeezed made a squelching sound. They'd put this near the mouth piece and insist that they were pleasuring themselves using a large dong. They even pretended to use lube by squeezing moisturizer into their hand (near the mouth piece) however this was actually just rubbed on their legs or arms (not their genitals as the caller thought).

I constructed the purpose built call centre with many booths for the phone operators to take calls from. They wore a head set and sat, or stretched out, in a luxurious lounge chair with a foot stool in front of them. The booths were designed by an acoustic expert so that the sound from each booth couldn't be heard outside the booth or by the phone operator in the adjacent booth. All booths had solid doors and windows front and side.

When I visited the call centre I'd always walk past the booths (coloured lights above each door would signal whether or not they were on a call) and I'd greet the ladies with a wave. I was amazed when late one weekend night whilst walking past the booths I saw one of the operators with her pants down and masturbating with a vibrator. She was in the throes of orgasm and oblivious to me as I walked past. Her sole focus was the caller and her orgasmic joy. I remember it was 20-30 minutes later when I saw the light change colour signaling the call was over. I then asked the manageress to enter the booth and instruct her to stop masturbating whilst talking to callers. An argument ensued and she threatened to resign. She insisted that her masturbating was a necessity to keep callers online thus extending the length of the call. Note the ladies were paid on a per minute basis.

Whilst I didn't necessarily have a problem with her masturbating at ‘work' I obviously realised it wasn't an ideal situation. As she was one of our best operators (it's easy to understand why) I agreed with her that she could work from home. This was the first time I'd considered the option of operators working from home. She started working from home on her next shift where her average hold time and frequency of repeat callers increased dramatically. Apparently she wasn't entirely comfortable masturbating whilst working at the call centre (understandably so). Working from home allowed her to masturbate for her own pleasure (which she said she often did anyway even when not working) whilst taking a call and getting paid for it. And it was totally anonymous for both her and the caller.

A few years ago I had a friend request some new DVDs so I couriered a couple over to his office. One of the films featured John Holmes the legendary extremely well hung porn star (there are a number of dongs modeled from his cock). When he received the DVDs he called me and complained about sending him one with John Holmes in it. He actually told me that if I ever sent him another DVD featuring him he'd Frisbee it out the window. He wasn't keen for his wife to see his huge cock in action (he had serious penis envy).

A few weeks later I received a call from him. He was in a terribly distressed state. Apparently he'd come home from work earlier than usual, heard the TV on upstairs and raced upstairs to say hi to his wife. To his horror and dismay he burst into the room only to see her watching the DVD starring John Holmes (she'd found his porn stash). That wasn't the worst of it; whilst watching the DVD she was squatting over the coffee table and bouncing up and down the full length of a John Holmes replica dong she'd bought (it was fixed to the coffee table with a suction cap). And she was feverishly masturbating her clitoris with her fingers. What upset him the most was that she was clearly enjoying it. His immediate concerns were that A) he didn't measure up in the cock department and B) his wife preferred to masturbate rather than have sex with him. They're both valid concerns and something that has probably gone through many guys minds at some stage of their life.

Later he and I had a long chat about the incident (he smashed up the DVD). I explained to him a few things I knew about female masturbation:

  • Sometimes women like to live out their fantasies whilst masturbating. In his wife's case her fantasy was the well built John Holmes.
  • Many women like to close their eyes and visualize a sexual scene or fantasy whilst masturbating. Others like to watch porn and others like to read erotica like 50 Shades of Grey whilst they're masturbating or to help get them in the mood prior.
  • Usually women like privacy when they masturbate. I suggested next time he finds her masturbating that he should either leave her alone or ask if he can join in the action.
  • Many women like to use sex toys to assist them when masturbating. This shouldn't be viewed as a big deal or a deal breaker by a man. When it comes to stimulation, vibrators can often do what a man can't do. And when it comes to dongs they're often bigger than the average man – so what!
  • Men need to realise that women sometimes like to masturbate, just as men do. It usually has no reflection upon the state of their sex life or desire to have sex with their partner.
  • Women like to masturbate in the shower, in the bath tub, in bed and in many places – again similarly to men. They're normally more particular than men as to setting the scene before they masturbate. They place more importance on things like lighting (dimmed or candles for instance), music, distractions (like turning the TV and mobile phone off), privacy etc.
  • Women are often different when it comes to clitoris size and sensitivity (before, during or after stimulation). Similarly women vary in the sensitivity of their g-spot. Women discover and explore this through masturbation.
  • Men should embrace women masturbating as it can assist their relationship in many ways (notwithstanding that it can help women relieve stress, lessen tension, improve their mood and promote a general feeling of well being).
  • Some women like to use the shower head (assuming it's removable) to masturbate with whilst showering. I suggested he try showering with her and give this a go.
  • Some women like to caress their breasts and squeeze their nipples whilst masturbating. I suggested he explore this with his wife.
  • I suggested he get a large mirror for his bedroom as many women like to be able to watch themselves masturbate (and also watch themselves having sex with their partner).
  • I also suggested he try telling her his fantasies or have her tell him hers whilst she was masturbating as this would increase the excitement for both of them.

Many women have trouble orgasming when having sex with a man (for many reasons including the fact that some men don't know where the clitoris and g-spot is located or how to stimulate them). This is one of the reasons why women sometimes masturbate. Counselors often recommend women masturbate as part of their sexual exploration process ie. to help them discover what turns them on and what can assist them in achieving orgasm. The best scenario for a couple is where a woman knows what she likes sexually and communicates that to her partner. Men aren't mind readers so some guidance can be easier rather than trial and error.

Female masturbation need not be a solo experience. It's often part of foreplay and can be very arousing for both (as is mutual masturbation). If a woman can masturbate and bring herself to orgasm, using her fingers or a sex toy during foreplay, then this can take the pressure off a man to perform like a porn star and it can be a very rewarding experience for both of them. Men love to watch their partner masturbate – my friend loves to now watch his wife mount the John Holmes dong affixed to the coffee table (not permanently I assume) and bring herself to orgasm. In fact she often performs oral sex on him whilst she's riding the dong and simultaneously stimulating her clitoris with a vibrating wand. Ten points for multi tasking!

I've recently recommended some new sex toys for my friend to try with his wife (that she can use by herself or that they can use together). A really versatile toy is the We-Vibe. It's great for solo play for her or it's the perfect couple toy (they can actually have penetrative sex whilst using the We-Vibe). The vibrations stimulate her g-spot and clitoris simultaneously. I also recommended he buy her some orgasm balls. She can wear them around the house or to dinner and orgasm without even touching herself or without him touching her (they're amazing). And if he wanted to be a touch more adventurous I've suggested he buy her a vibrating butt plug. Again she can use it whilst pleasuring herself alone or they can use it together.

Obviously I've only touched on some aspects of female masturbation. As a man it's not an easy subject to write about. I'm interested to hear your views.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

ksta 24 July 2014 at 7:49 pm
Luv it... if your girl is masturbating u should be excited that she still yearns for sex. I believe all women should, its a great tension reliever, solves all problems and makes a women discover her sexy!
Bec 25 July 2014 at 7:08 am
My ex threatened to leave me when I first suggested sex toys...it was like dealing with a 5yr olds tantrum!His theory was that we would lose the 'intimacy' of our sex life if I started using a 'piece of plastic'.Up until that point (I had been sexually active for three years with several partners) I had NEVER had an orgasm...at least, not a real one lolSeveral years (and different partner) on, I have 4 of my own toys and counting. I discovered that I have a medical condition where I my entrance is smaller than usual, explaining why sex had been so painful.I use smaller toys not only when I feel the need to masturbate, but to also assist with making sex less painful (and sometimes even better)! Win win situation!I have so many stories and thoughts on toys and the situations I've had with men once they learn of them...I find the reactions go from one extreme to the other.Yet we accept men masturbating without questioning it. Go figure.
Michael B 25 July 2014 at 8:07 am
Ladies embrace your bodies and your fantasies! There's no bigger turn on to me than my women pleasuring herself, whether it's with or without me. It's a large part of our sex life and as Mal said, it does take the pressure of the male. It guarantee's we both get our pleasure. So ladies, forget you inhibitions and let loose :D
KiwiKel 25 July 2014 at 8:15 am
My husband has always encouraged me to masturbate. Due to the morals instilled in me it took me a few years to embrace it. The taboo against masturbation can be developed in one's childhood. Instead of discouraging young children to explore their bodies, they should be educated to know that it is a normal act, however, it should be done in privacy, just like going to the toilet. Self pleasuring myself increases my self esteem and has allowed me to discover my sexuality which I am now learning to embrace. I thoroughly enjoy regular masturbation for myself and my husband, and the benefits to our sex life have been AMAZING ;)
Kate 26 July 2014 at 1:49 pm
Thanks for another wonderful blog Mal :) It is nice to read first 'hand' what a man thinks about masturbation. Still till this day I have friends in their 20s who have never had an orgasm. When I ask them if they masturbate they look at me horrified. The thought had never occurred to them and they don't quite know how. Working at Adultshop.com has definitely helped me learn more about women and their very different needs. I have passed my knowledge on to friends and even helped them pick a toy or two! It's important to know that women are so different and have very different needs but as a woman you need to know what makes you feel good and communicate this with your partner :) Rock on ladies
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