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Ejaculation Etiquette

13 November 2014 7 comments

When and where men ejaculate are important considerations. No woman wants to experience the hair gel look that Cameron Diaz displayed in the hit movie There's Something About Mary. And most women don't like a surprise when it comes to a man's orgasm.

Should a man announce he's about to orgasm before he does (it sounds very chivalrous) or should he just orgasm when he's ready? Assuming he's intent on pleasuring his partner as well as himself, then if he's read his partner well and believes she's ready for him to orgasm then it makes sense that he should orgasm when he's ready. If however he's unsure if his partner is satisfied enough for him to orgasm (noting that sex often finishes post a man's orgasm– but not always), then I suggest he tells her he's ready to orgasm (and asks her if she's ready for him to do so). This way if she's not done he can pull out and delay orgasm (during which time he can continue to pleasure her). Obviously men can't always control the situation nor can they always read where their partner is at on their pleasure scale.

Ejaculation EtiquetteEjaculation Etiquette

If a couple have been together for a while and are quite 'connected' in the bedroom then usually a woman would be able to tell when her partner is nearing orgasm. She could then prolong his orgasm if she needs to. The easiest way for a woman to prolong a man's orgasm during sex is to change the rhythm (ie. slow down), or change what they're doing, or just simply stop stimulating his penis.

Some men need to be careful how long they delay their orgasm otherwise it can lead to a situation whereby they then simply can't orgasm at all (or it takes them forever to do so). Obviously this can become frustrating and laborious for both them and their partner.

Where should a man ejaculate? This should be something he's checked with his partner about (it's always better to ask for permission rather than forgiveness). Most women aren't going to be pleased (an understatement) with a man who pulls out of her vagina and ejaculates into her mouth, into her ass, over her face, or anywhere else on her body unless she's agreed with it. And even when a woman does agree to a man ejaculating anywhere else other than inside her vagina there are precautions and considerations both should take.

Whilst a man can sometimes aim where he wants ejaculate to go it doesn't always land there. Also the volume, consistency, taste and force ejaculate is expelled changes from man to man. And a man can experience fluctuations in these variables too. For instance if a man is extremely turned on he may orgasm for longer, have a greater volume of ejaculate and expel his ejaculate more forcibly than normal.

What a man eats and drinks can affect the taste of his semen (although apparently there is no scientific evidence supporting this assertion). Pineapple and some other fruits for instance can supposedly help sweeten the taste. In contrast coffee, alcohol and foods like broccoli, asparagus, onions and garlic can make semen smell and taste more pungent. If a man is considering ejaculating into a woman's mouth or on her face he needs to think about what he's eaten or drank beforehand (or if he's a smoker as this is also thought to alter the taste and smell of a man's juice).

Most men like the idea of ejaculating into a woman's mouth. If this is part of oral sex then it can be particularly pleasurable for a man (some women are also very turned on by this). And some men like to pull out of a woman's vagina during sex and ejaculate into her mouth (again some women are turned on by this). Note in both instances a man needs to check with his partner to make sure she's enthusiastic about the idea. And obviously during oral sex women need to be given a warning before a man ejaculates into her mouth.

Some women find it degrading for a man to want to ejaculate anywhere other than in their vagina. And some women find it totally offensive if a man suggests ejaculating into her mouth or on her face. Men need to respect and accommodate a woman's views on the matter. If she's not into it then it shouldn't be a deal breaker for a guy.

Side note – if a man is going to ejaculate on a woman's face she needs to close her eyes (as semen stings them). Also she needs to be aware that man juice could end up in her hair, up her nose and anywhere else it wasn't planned to go. Everything is a great idea until you orgasm!

Men have told me in the past that some women have complained when they've wanted to shoot their ejaculate onto their face, breasts, other parts of their body or in their mouths and asses. The women have accused the men of watching too much porn! I understand where women are coming from in this regard. Given I've been managing director of Calvista (Australia's largest distributor of adult films) for 15 years I certainly understand the importance and relevance of 'the money shot' (a man ejaculating) in porn films. It's visually exciting for viewers of porn films to see men ejaculate and this is why a lot of attention is paid to where a man ejaculates during the filming of porn scenes. Whilst men are often turned on by seeing porn stars ejaculating on various body parts of their female actors I can see how some women aren't as turned on. I can also see how it appears to objectify women, although I don't believe it does. How I deal with it is by remembering its consensual sex between adults who are filming fantasy (not necessarily reality). And I believe one person's fantasy could be another person's norm whilst another person may simply find it repulsive.

Ok so if porn films focus on the money shot for the purpose of entertaining viewers then why do adults sometimes want to ejaculate everywhere and anywhere but the vagina in real life? I think it's because men, more so than women, are generally more turned on by visual stimulation hence why they like to watch themselves ejaculate. Most men start masturbating when they're 12 or 13 years of age so they're quite accustomed to seeing themselves ejaculate and they like it. And as I mentioned earlier some women also like to see a man ejaculate.

School boys are notorious for ejaculating in their pants during heavy petting (kissing, groping and fondling) even without any touching of their penis. Obviously this can be quite embarrassing for both parties. The majority of boys grow out of this however a small percentage of men continue to experience this problem during adulthood. Similarly many men experience premature ejaculation, before or during sex, at some stage of their life and for some it's an ongoing issue. Thankfully it can be treated.

Why don't men always want to ejaculate inside a woman's vagina? There are many reasons for this. Some men believe it's an effective form of birth control (although this demonstrates their naivety). Others simply want to watch themselves ejaculate and they want their partner to witness it. Maybe others want to live out sexual fantasies (like those in porn film scenes). I know some men are concerned that if they ejaculate in a woman's vagina it's going to cause odour issues. This generally isn't the case. Providing a woman expels as much semen from her vagina immediately after sex the rest is generally flushed out naturally anyway. Some women try to combat the issue of flushing out semen by douching with water. This can potentially upset the natural balance of bacteria in the vagina (called vaginal flora). These changes make the environment more favourable for the growth of bacteria that cause infection.

Given the site of a man ejaculating can be exciting for both the man and the woman it's why in group sex situations, like threesomes or when couples are swinging with other couples, the general etiquette is for a man to announce when he's ready to orgasm and to pull it out and ejaculate on a woman rather than in a woman. And general etiquette in these situations requires a man to ensure none of his ejaculate lands on another man (unless of course they're cool with it).

A couple of other general etiquette rules spring to mind; it's a man's job to get both a warm hand towel and a dry towel to clean up his juice from a woman's body if he's ejaculated on her rather than in her. And if he decides to pull out and ejaculate somewhere on the bed rather than on her body, then he should do so on his side of the bed not hers. Women apparently don't want to sleep in the sticky patch unless it's theirs.

Can a man orgasm without ejaculating? If he could then this may solve some issues. Well the answer is yes they can! Just before orgasm a man can squeeze the base of his penis which effectively blocks semen travelling through the urethra. A better approach is by practising the principles of tantric sex as it actually takes the focus away from a man ejaculating. With tantric sex a man uses his pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, which run from your public bone to your tail bone, to stop or control ejaculation. Note that the PC muscles are the same muscles used to stop the flow of urine. By exercising the PC muscles regularly over time a man is able to contract them to ebb flow of semen and even stop ejaculation all together. When he feels the cloud or orgasmic relief start he clamps down on his PC muscles. If he gets it right then he can actually ride the orgasmic wave without any ejaculate flowing. This allows him to have multi mini orgasms. There are many advantages of practising tantric sex principles, besides the minimisation of semen (although a man may ejaculate later during tantric sex), including the fact that it's generally more loving and often more focussed on a female's pleasure.

Whilst I don't want to dwell upon the topic as I've written a post about it before men can orgasm without ejaculation through prostate massage. The best way for a man to massage his prostate is with a specifically made sex toy (that's inserted into his anus – unfortunately it's the only way a man can access his prostate). Prostate massage can deliver whole body orgasms for a man without even touching his penis (sounds like a David Copperfield magic trick).

Where men ejaculate can be exciting although also disgusting. And it can be funny in some instances. When they ejaculate is something that ideally needs to be agreed upon with their partner (assuming when a man's orgasm can be controlled). If you have any comments on my post this week then let me know.

Delivering passion and pleasure.


anon 13 November 2014 at 7:16 pm
after being together for 13 years, my hubby still tells me when hes going to cum...and if he even dreamed of doing it anywhere but inside me he'd cop a backhand...ejaculation is disgusting at the best of times, let alone having it all over myself ....
HungbutUseless 13 November 2014 at 10:43 pm
Malc. I'm glad you approached and de-sensifyied the matter of PE. I am a sufferer and it haunts me. I try every potion that you sell and every toy that you offer but I still end up buying the missus a vibrating toy that replaces me.
Andy 14 November 2014 at 8:35 am
I'm lucky enough to have a partner who loves seeing me ejaculate and hear me orgasm. We never really spoke about in terms of a sit down discussion but I was considerate of her when we first started having sex. I started with pulling out and cumming on her stomach. From there it was simply asking her where she wanted me to ejaculate just before I was about to orgasm.We change it up all the time. I'm amused at the comments on your FB page regarding this blog post. Makes me question if they're sexually satisfied or slightly inhibited.
onestopadultshop 14 November 2014 at 12:08 pm
What heterosexual man enjoys watching another man blow hid wad...? WTF?
Me 16 November 2014 at 3:50 am
G'dayI just love cuming in a women or on her then cleaning it up with my tongue and the woman loves it, it helps keep the sex going.
SydB 22 December 2014 at 5:13 am
Of course it is all about consent - my partner gets very turned on by ejaculation onto her boobs - but the whole come on the face thing nearly every porn scene ends with is boring to watch all the time and only had a few girlfriends who are into this...
Miss B 17 March 2015 at 11:36 pm
Another issue with ejaculating on the face is that it can go in the ear and the hair, and is difficult to clean out. Especially in the ear. I'm happy for my partner to cum on my body, but that's all. I did allow a previous partner to cum on my face because he really wanted to, and I wasnt repulsed by the idea and thought ok, I'll try it. Didn't like it at all. Personally I found it degrading, and too unpredictable about where it would go. Had to wash my hair twice afterwards to get it all out, and ended up with some stuck in my ear. No where near as sexy or romantic as I thought it might have been. But that's just my experience. if other women like it, more power to them, and their partners.
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