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Anal Sex – For Women

24 October 2013 9 comments

A few years ago, whilst I was at a social function, an associate of mine introduced me to his wife. Within five minutes, whilst still in her presence, he was boasting to me about how he and his wife usually slept 'spooning style' and that he often used to just "slip it into her ass while she was asleep". At the time I remember thinking to myself that surely the wife wasn't keen on being abruptly awoken in the middle of the night in such a fashion. I also remember thinking that people never discussed their sex lives so candidly with me when I was a civil engineer!

Fast forward a year where I was at the same annual social function; I was sitting at a table between meal courses and happened to notice my associate's wife sitting on the lap of another woman at the adjacent table. My associate was standing nearby chatting with a couple of guys. A bit later, to my surprise, I saw my associate's wife passionately kissing the same woman. Again she was sitting on her lap but this time they were lip locked and both had their hands all over each other. I'd never realised she was bisexual!

Anal sex - for womenAnal sex - for women

As soon as I had a chance I spoke to my associate about his wife's clear fondness for other women. I was expecting, probably hoping more than anything, that he'd tell me about wild threesome stories they were having but no...he told me she'd recently left him for that same woman. He was visibly upset and devastated! Then I remembered the anal sex story he'd told me about the previous year. I think I was right; perhaps she didn't get as much enjoyment out of it as he thought she did!

Anal sex is quite a confronting topic for most people, especially women. When I told a couple of the guys in the office that I was going to do a post on it they gave me the big thumbs up whilst the ladies gave me quizzical looks and their comments were bathed in cynicism. Why is it that men are happy to discuss this topic but for women it's generally taboo? Women are often quite inhibited when it comes to anal play and I understand why. Unless they and their partner follow a few rules then it can go terribly wrong. For women there can be tears, physical pain, emotional turmoil and it can be a serious turn off if things go pear shaped. No man wants this and if it happens he's probably not going to want to go down this path again in a hurry.

Not everyone is into anal sex. And for those who are, some indulge in it more than others. Many people love anal sex and it's not just men (as women would expect). Woman often say that having anal sex heightens the intimacy with their partner and brings them closer together emotionally.

Did you know that a woman's g-spot can be stimulated through anal sex? I'm sure this is a surprise to most readers, but yes, a woman's g-spot can be stimulated through penetrative sex both anally and vaginally. This is why women can have mind blowing orgasms when indulging in anal sex. For those women who've always claimed to their partners "this is an exit not an entry" they could be missing out on some very pleasurable enjoyment. Anal sex for some people is a fantasy. Maybe it's because it's forbidden or a bit 'naughty'. I think people should be open minded and consider giving it a go, particularly if their partner is very keen to experiment with the idea.

If you're a first timer and have decided you want to give it a go or if you're already doing it but want it to enjoy it more here's my tips:

Preparation

A huge turn off for both parties is when the anus isn't clean or when there's some 'mess' during anal sex. Obviously cleanliness is paramount here so shower, bathe or use a bidet (all with soap) to clean the area first. While an anal douche is not necessary in order to have relatively clean anal sex it can definitely help. Anal douching (use warm water) can make you both feel more comfortable and confident. With confidence comes relaxation. This is essential for a woman. If she's not relaxed it could be painful for her.

Foreplay

Foreplay is a 'must do' before indulging in anal sex. And it's even more important than with vaginal sex for many reasons.

A woman needs to be very turned on before participating in anal sex. You need to set the mood, like getting the lighting, music and warmth of the room right.

She needs to be aroused! Men can do this by kissing, licking and using their tongues all over her body but especially from her neck to her upper legs if she's lying down and they should obviously devote some attention to her butt. Massaging her butt cheeks, along with kissing and licking them, can definitely get her excited!

Anilingus (no it's not spelt analingus) can be very pleasurable and highly erotic for women. Men who are adept at using their tongue on a woman's anus are usually well rewarded!

Anuses aren't self lubricating like vaginas are, so you'll need lube (and lots of it!). They also have different muscles with different boundaries and limitations.

The use of a lubed up finger or two in a woman's anus can be a great way to turn her on and to ease her into penetrative anal sex (note it can also make her desire vaginal sex too).

Men need to remember to be tender and patient. They can't take a 'bull at a gate' approach otherwise it's not going to be enjoyable for the woman. And they should think twice before "slipping it in whilst she's sleeping in a spooning position".

Using sex toys for anal play

Using sex toys might be foreplay or it may even be the main event. They're great for both! For women who aren't quite ready (ie. not fully aroused, confident, comfortable etc) to be penetrated anally by a man they often need to start with something smaller (particularly if the man is well hung). This can be a finger or two, or it can be a sex toy.

If anal sex toys are used for foreplay and they're also the main event (ie. the man doesn't penetrate her anus with his cock) then the man can still stimulate a woman's clitoris and/or he can also have vaginal penetrative sex with her. Simultaneous use of an anal sex toy (in a woman) whilst a couple is engaging in penetrative vaginal sex can be a huge turn on for a woman. Note that a guy could also be using an anal sex toy on himself at the same time, but maybe I'll discuss another time.

adultshop.com sells many sex toys designed for anal play. My suggestions are butt plugs (preferably vibrating ones), anal beads and vibrating bullets with cords attached to a remote control (note toys need a solid base or cord attached (hold onto the cord) to stop them potentially 'disappearing' when used with anal play). Inserting vibrating toys into a woman's anus can create intense orgasms very quickly. Remember that using sex toys anally can stimulate a woman's g-spot! Note that some women can actually squirt and/or ejaculate when having their g-spot stimulated.

Anal beads when pulled out slowly from a woman's anus can send a woman's orgasm into overdrive. Normally the beads are small at one end and larger at the other end with the cord attached to the end with the larger beads.

All anal sex toys should be used with a lube that's specific for anal play. A relaxant or comfort spray can also take the "ouch" out of anal play and ensure an enjoyable experience. Whilst it can be water based or silicone based it's normally different to lube that is used for vaginal sex.

What positions are best?

Obviously this is a very personal choice and something that you might try different ways until you find what works best for you and what gives you both the most satisfaction. As we all know men are very visual creatures so sexual positions where men can actually see their penis going in and out a woman's anus is extremely exciting for them. The 'doggie' position (where a woman is kneeling on all fours, or standing bent over, with the man behind her) is a position favoured by most men for anal sex.

Similarly the reverse cowgirl position (where a man is laying on his back and the woman has straddled him and is facing away) provides great visual stimulation for a man. The added benefit of this position is it's easy for a woman to stimulate her clitoris with her fingers or sex toy. She can also vaginally insert a sex toy, like a vibrator or dong, at the same time as having anal sex in this position. If it's a vibrator she's vaginally inserting then this can send powerful vibrations through to the man's cock (it's very stimulating for the man). The only real danger with this is that he may orgasm too fast!

The cowgirl position (where a man is laying on his back and the woman has straddled him and is facing towards him) has benefits too. The woman can lean forward and can stimulate her clitoris on her man's pelvic area (clitoral stimulation is easier if they're both hairless or trimmed). This anal sex position is great for the woman as her man's cock is able to stimulate her g-spot especially if she leans forward. And it can help a woman have a powerful 'bigasm' (a simultaneous g-spot and clitoral orgasm).

The cowgirl position can allow the woman to lean totally forward so she can kiss her man and it also allows him to fondle her breasts and other areas of the body...all designed to turn her on even more. Anal sex needs to be tender! This position certainly allows for that and it also allows the woman to slowly ease down onto the penis (in her own time) and then set a pace that works for her (ie. so it isn't uncomfortable or painful).

The spoon position is another popular anal sex position. A woman lying on her side with her man behind her makes her feel less 'vulnerable' and again it allows for more passion and tenderness (with kissing, caressing etc).

Remember if you've used fingers to lube up or massage the anus (in or around) or if you've used sex toys anally these must be washed and cleaned thoroughly before putting them anywhere near the vagina. Similarly if you've engaged in anal intercourse then you wish to engage in vaginal intercourse the man needs to either wash his cock with warm soapy water or he needs to change the condom if he's wearing one. Bacteria from the anus can cause vaginal infections hence the need for extra hygiene.

Afterplay

It's even more important after anal sex to stay in bed and be affectionate afterwards. And now's the time to discuss how it was for both of you. Communicating what you both like, or dislike, is essential in ensuring you're both happy and satisfied.

Anal sex isn't for everyone. Some people think it's disgusting whilst others think it's only for gay men, but for those who indulge or want to try it, it can be very pleasurable with the right person.

As always I'd love to hear your feedback so please comment.

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

elaine44 24 October 2013 at 4:40 pm
my problem is i cant get anything bigger in my anus i have tried but it is painful what can i do to go bigger as i do enjoy anal sex
Chelle Fitzgerald 24 October 2013 at 5:22 pm
Hi Elaine, did you know that this is a very common issue for people? You're not alone ... many people are surprised to hear that we sell anal training sets. They have anal toys in a variety of sizes to help work up to the size that you want to accommodate. Another great toy is the Fetish Fantasy Extreme Inflatable Sphincter Stretcher which you actually insert while small and then pump up the size with a hand pump (it contains a safe quick release button too in case you need to deflate quickly!) If you want to know more about these kinds of things don't be afraid to pop in and say g'day, we are always happy to take the time to show you what's available and how it all works so that you're in the know! Knowledge is power, especially in the bedroom ;)Chelle - (staff member at Adultshop Gosnells and Vic Park)
suzie 24 October 2013 at 6:57 pm
Thanks for the informative article. My husband and I have been occasionally indulging in anal sex over the past few years as I have had very painful and unpleasant experiences in the past. I even had an orgasm anally about 6 months ago, something I didnt believe was possible - a friend had told me she had and it made me curious to explore this more, much to my partners delight :) it definitely isnt for everyone, but like you said - with the right person it can be pretty darn good!
Tfor 24 October 2013 at 8:06 pm
Anal sex is a turn on when I am fully stimulated, and my man sure enjoys it. Thanks for this article.
Jon 25 October 2013 at 7:44 am
The real turn on for us is when i rub my hard penis between her butt cheeks......
Jacko 25 October 2013 at 9:59 am
My partner and I enjoy this immensley. Going down on her before anal (Anilingus), would be the best approach. Clean of course. I was down on her as she lay on her front at one stage. She was so comfortable and loved it so much she lay there and moaned and pouted for more.
Kyls 31 October 2013 at 5:37 pm
I've discovered not long ago that my hubby was into Anal and it rocked my world (so to speak) I used to do and loved it but hadn't done it in years (since kids). We actively participate in AS and he lurves it. He's been getting me used to having it myself and I can't stop.....it's the most amazing feeling and we haven't looked back. Kim @ Gosnells Store is awesome and we deal with her on a regular basis...keep going back for more :)
sarah 3 November 2013 at 6:34 am
My partner and I started having anal sex a few months ago, I love it!! My orgasms are so much stronger having anal, I don't know why I didn't try it years ago!My favorite position is on top :)
jodie 5 November 2013 at 11:00 am
It helps if you have him slide in a finger for a minute or so before hand. Found this really relaxes things!
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