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A sex goddess, a trophy and a loving wife - can one woman be all 3?

2 April 2019 6 comments

The age-old joke says that a man should find a woman who's a maniac in the bedroom, one he can show off in public and one who's going to be a great mother to his children and a fantastic housekeeper. Punchline? The three should never meet! We ask today - how realistic is it for one woman to be all three?

A sex goddess, a trophy and a loving wife - can one woman be all 3?A sex goddess, a trophy and a loving wife - can one woman be all 3?

Just last month, Keith Urban made headlines by admitting his wife, Aussie screen goddess Nicole Kidman, was not only a supportive wife and loving mother but also quite the nymphomaniac. In today’s society, the growing pressure for women to be all 3 (and sometimes more!) is genuine and ever so present in media all around us. But one must ask - how realistic are these expectations and as the joke implies, somewhat derogatorily, is it all too much for one woman? Before we address that question, allow me to introduce you to the three lovely ladies: -

The trophy wife
This is the girl who always looks stunning on a man’s arm. She is typically much younger than he is and even though she may not make him look any younger - she will certainly make him feel more youthful. She knows exactly how to dress for the occasion; she can be elegant, or she can be sexy, and she absolutely always has the perfect bling to match her Louis Vuitton shoes. She knows precisely what to say, how to say it, who to talk with (and who not to speak with). She makes her man look good; she makes her man look powerful. This gal makes the other blokes at the party think “Wow! He must have (fill in the blanks) if he got a chick like her!”

The sex maniac wife
The husband of a sex maniac is more often woken up by his wife’s mouth on his private parts than by his alarm clock. This is no wallflower who waits for her man to initiate some good old fooling around - she usually kicks off the lovemaking and does so regularly! This ravishing gal has an insatiable thirst for all things sensual and is open to trying on new experiences in the bedroom - you could never accuse her of being a prude. This girl’s husband’s friends are green with envy - here she is practically molesting her man whilst they feel like they have to beg for sex in their own home.

The loving wife
Think your own personal Martha Stewart; this talented lady brings soul and love to everything she touches. Her cooking takes you back when you were just a sniffling tyke; staying home on a rainy day, waiting to tune into your favourite TV show Mr. Squiggle, and having your grandma’s chicken soup which somehow magically soothed not only your cold but also your spirit. She bakes, she makes the house into a home, she is a nurturing mother to your children and a compassionate, loyal wife who stands by her man through life’s journey. This gal will have all her husband’s friends on her side - they will adore her and often wish that they were as lucky as her man.

Now I know what you’re thinking ladies - how are you expected to be the trophy wife nymphomaniac Martha Stewart who greets her husband with dildos and erotic vouchers, when you’ve been working all day, cooking up a feast, dealing with toddler or teenage tantrums (they’re the same, really) and making the home squeaky clean and tidy?!

Can you be a loving wife and a sex-crazed junkie? I think you can. Can you be all 3 simultaneously on the same day? I think you can. Can you be all 3 consistently? I think not! And why should you be?!

First, we need to redefine what makes a woman “good wife material,” a “sex symbol” and even a “trophy.”

The joke approaches the three attributes in an essentially male-centered manner; it focuses solely on what the woman can do for her man (how can she make him look good, what can she give him, etc.) It revolves around her proving herself to be worthy of a man’s lifelong commitment and love. Meh. However, if we take the same three attributes and make them female-centered, we bring empowerment to the woman and create the possibility of one woman possessing all 3 incurably feasible.

So you want to be all 3 but don’t know how?

First thing is first - stop boxing yourself! I don’t know about you, but I’m not so turned on by the thought of merely carrying one title be it: “Loving Wife”, “Caring Mum”, “Trophy Wife” or “Penis Lover". So many women lose that sexiness when they become mothers or rather because they are mothers. Why does becoming one automatically negate the other?

We must let go of the shame associated with being a mother and a perverse sex loving woman. It doesn’t mean you are Jerry Springer caravan trash if you like to kiss your kids goodnight and several hours later perform oral sex on strangers at a swingers club (yes with that very same mouth). New Zealand’s bad-ass Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has proven that a woman can be strong enough to take on gun lobbyists and terrorists, all the whilst she is tenderly breastfeeding her young child in between meetings.

I often ponder what would the buttoned-up stifled mothers at my daughter’s school would think of me if they found out I was dishing out tips on the best ways to enjoy anal sex, what dildo to buy and how to approach the subject of infidelity! Yes, I am a loving mother, a loyal, empathetic partner, a sex goddess, and a trophy wife. And proud of it! But there are days where I am just one - or none - and that’s OK too.

If you want to be a sex goddess be one - for yourself.
Become in tune with your own sexuality; focus and learn how to admire all your physical characteristics. Bring sensuality into every part of you - from your head to your toe, in the way you move, in the way you talk, in the way you touch yourself. Dress up like a dominatrix or a submissive sex slave because exploring these different facets of you will only bring you closer to yourself. Be open to trying new things because they turn you on. Not out of obligation or because of everyone else’s expectations. You will drive your man wild believe me! Life’s too short for just a “fine” sex life!

If you want to be the trophy wife - what’s stopping you?
At the next big event, get your make up done (go professional or follow some tutorials on YouTube), find that flattering dress and be the charismatic girl everyone is talking about even after the evening is over. If your narrative is “You’re too old to pull off this skirt or hairdo” - remember that we’re living in 2019 when youth is continuously being reinvented, and girl power is stronger than it has ever been - you really can be whatever you want to be.

If you want to be a caring mother and wife - start by loving yourself.
Your love and devotion to your husband and kids needs to come from within. It cannot be maintained if it comes from a place of “should” or with a feeling of burden. You are enough, you do enough, and if your love tank isn’t adequately filled, you will not be capable of supplying anyone else’s.

So if you want to be all three go out there and be all three! Who’s to say you can’t be? Maybe even add one more of your own! Create yourself the way you want to be and watch yourself blossom, and those around you will only benefit.

As for the men out there - if you expect your partner to be all three, perhaps you need to look at yourself also and see what various attributes you are for her. For those of you who claim that you are more likely to stray as your woman isn’t all three in one - the straying is within you and has nothing to do with your partner. If you’re going to cheat - you will.

Now it’s YOUR turn! I’m curious to hear from the men and the ladies on this one. Guys - how important is it for you to have all three attributes? Gals - do you resent or welcome the possibility of being more than just one “type” of a woman? Comment below!

Share your stories below. We love hearing from you!

Written by Maggie May
Maggie May is a sexologist and a writer. She is a lover of all things sensual and sexual.

Corey Corby 2 April 2019 at 7:14 pm
As a man, I want this....but at the same time wondering, how to become the man that DESERVES such a woman.
How do I unlock this in my wife, what fo I have to do, to get the keys to heaven.

See, it's great to give advice to women and saying "girrrl, treat yo' self, and do what's right for you".

The fundamental flaw is giving a wife/girlfriend/lover reasons to want to chose to do this for a man.


Maggie May 15 April 2019 at 7:59 pm
Corey - can I marry you please? Yes finally a man who asks the question “How can I be a better man?” There would be no harm in each and every one of us asking ourselves that very question without any self blame or guilt. I agree with you that a woman should wish to be all this for her man because of her man; at the same time I think she needs to do it for herself first. If we don’t love ourselves we cannot love another, that kind of thing. Your question comes from a very mature place, a place of responsibility. Instead of sitting back and waiting on your wife to be all three women, you’re being proactive and inquiring how you could give her the incentive to be so. As you know, a husband and wife (or husband and husband or wife and wife) are remarkably intertwined and the marriage is like a delicate ecosystem - what one does greatly impacts the other. Open communication, integrity and compromise is a great starting point for both partners to be the best they can be and obtaining that key you speak of. On the flip side of that, we cannot rely on our partners to fulfil all aspects of our lives. For instance, if your wife doesn’t feel sexy within herself then she won’t be that sex goddess for you no matter how many compliments you pay her or how good you try to make her feel. Hence, why it is vital for each of us to uncover that sex god and sex goddess within, to uncover the amazing wife and husband that lie deep within us and all other aspirations that turn us on. It’s certainly not easy and I don’t think there is a simple answer. I LOVE your thought process and acknowledge you for your integrity. Good luck in uncovering the god that is within you and helping your wife do the same.
Marianna 28 May 2019 at 9:30 am
I’m a modern woman and i found this article very empowering. It is so accurate that the woman needs to be all these things for herself first and the positive effects can be reaped by those around her including the men. Great article and very empowering we really need more of them in today’s day and age. Thanks Maggie.
Marina 24 April 2019 at 2:20 pm
Great article Maggie. As a female I realise both men and women love the idea of the perfect partner who has all the attributes they desire, want and need. I agree that women can look at this in an empowering way if they chose however being all of these things every hour of every day and every year just isn’t possible for women or men for that matter. Looking forward to the next article as they are such a good read and very thought provoking.
Annie 6 May 2019 at 5:56 pm
As a mother and wife and career woman i found this article to be so acurate and timely. There really is a lot of pressure for women to be all three. I wasnt sure where you would take it but you did a great job in making it all come together by briging it back to the self. It is so true. If i do it for others it doesnt really stick. Doing it for yourself is empowering. This is a real girl power piece. Please do more.
Marianna 28 May 2019 at 9:28 am
I’m a new age woman and love this article. It empowers the female and speaks of the positive effects that empowerment will have on the rest of society - including the male. Awesome article. Keep
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