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8 tips to getting more SEX

16 January 2014 5 comments

After a great Xmas and new year break I started back at work and the gym last week. Every year the first few weeks in January has the gym overflowing with those that have made a New Year's resolution to get fit or back into 'beach shape'. By February many of those 'newbies' have dropped off the radar and are back in their pre-Xmas lifestyles. Why is that? And what of those of us who've made a New Year's resolution to have more sex?

Be more affectionateBe more affectionate

The start of a New Year is a time to reflect upon the past, but more importantly, reassess your life today and set some goals that are achievable. You need to be positive but also realistic when it comes to goal setting. And you need to remember that goals don't simply happen...you need to make them happen! In the first few weeks of January many of my friends like to share their New Year's resolutions with me and I'm often surprised by those that say they want more sex. Most people want more, or better, sex. That's not what surprises me. What does surprise me is it's usually the same friends who've told me they want more sex for the last few years and nothing has changed for them (and they wonder why). They're stuck in a rut and they're not happy with their sex life. It's boring, mediocre, mundane or tiresome, or they're simply just not getting enough of it.

Whether it's annually or more frequently I certainly think everyone should reassess where they're at in life and re-evaluate what's important to them. And if they have a partner they should discuss what they want and what makes them both happy. If it's more sex they want, then they should say so. If they want to mix it up or try new things then they need to communicate this too. Similarly if they want to start living out sexual fantasies then they need to discuss the practicality of this with their partner (assuming they want their partner involved).

Most people make New Year's resolutions when they're on holidays and have plenty of free time. More time to go to the gym, to have more sex and to generally do what they want when they want. Then of course they go back to work and routine becomes the norm. That's why it's important to not only be positive with resolutions but also realistic. There's not much point in making a resolution that they want to have sex every day before breakfast, late afternoon and after dinner as it's just not realistic for most people (unless of course you're on holidays).

There always need to be a catalyst for change. If you're not happy with your current sex life then you need to do something about it otherwise the situation can potentially spin out of control with disastrous consequences. So, assuming you're in a healthy relationship, how do you ensure you're going to have more sex? Here's my tips:

  • Firstly you need to be honest and realistic with yourself and your partner. When discussing what you want with your partner remember the importance of diplomacy. Now is the time to conduct a 'performance review' just like employers do regularly with employees. You need to reassess your current sex life and discuss what you're happy with, what you're not happy with and what you'd like to change. Perhaps now is the time to discuss your sexual fantasies and whether or not you'd like to act them out or have them remain a fantasy. Maybe it's time to try rediscover or buy new sex toys?
  • Ensure your relationship is going well. Men can often have sex anytime but women usually need to feel emotionally connected with their partner in order to have sex. That's only going to happen when they feel loved and when they feel they're in a stable relationship without issues. Now's probably a good time to think about your relationship and assess any issues you may have because if you can resolve those issues then this sets the scene for more sex.
  • Enhance your and your partner's libido. Remember there's a direct correlation with libido (both yours and your partners) with diet, exercise and general lifestyle. Factors like being overweight, having a poor diet, being stressed, drinking too much alcohol, smoking, not doing enough exercise, not getting enough sleep etc, can have an adverse impact upon your libido. When either you or your partner has a low libido then this doesn't bode well for having more sex (or good sex). So if you want more sex then it's time to make some lifestyle changes!
  • Consider planning regular date nights. As silly as it may sound I think it's another good idea! Many of us have busy lives these days so I think it's important to plan regular times where you and your partner can have some time to yourselves without friends or kids or other distractions. This time to 'reconnect' can, and hopefully will, set the scene for more sex. Weekends away are great for spicing up your sex life!
  • Start planning for Valentine's Day next month. I know it's becoming a bit commercialized, where dinner and gifts are cliché, but most people, and women in particular, like a bit of effort put into Valentine's Day. A simple picnic or a small gift (lingerie is a winner with women) and a card or flowers can go a long way to making your partner feel special. And if they feel special the chances of you getting more sex increases!
  • Be more affectionate with your partner! Having sex generally has some prerequisites - affection, passion, intimacy and turning someone on. If you're not happy with how much sex you're currently getting then consider being more affectionate as it's a guaranteed aphrodisiac! You might need to review how much passion you have in your life and see how you can improve on that.
  • Is it time to spice things up a bit? Maybe it's time to revisit foreplay techniques, and even the way you currently have sex, as sometimes sex can become boring and monotonous if it and foreplay is the same each time. Try new sexual positions and perhaps get a bit more adventurous. Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes and swinging works for some people. And the introduction of other's into the bedroom from time to time can often seriously enhance a couples sex life and relationship. I'm going to do a blog on swinging another time. Sexting is a great way to let your partner know you're thinking about them during the day and it helps set the mood for when you get home.
  • Start being nicer to your partner! Everyone likes to be complimented and to feel appreciated. It makes them feel good about themselves and about the relationship they're in. Women especially love compliments particularly on how they look, their hair, their body, their ass or whatever. Compliments on their looks make them feel sexy. And if they feel sexy then be prepared for more sex!

I hope you're not someone who's made a New Year's resolution to have more sex and haven't yet started making it happen. If that's you then give some thought to my tips above. And if you're someone who's just read my post and have some other good ideas to help us all have more sex then please share.

Life's not all about having great sex...but a great sex life can help make us happy :)

Delivering passion and pleasure.

Mal

scoobydoc 16 January 2014 at 6:23 pm
being happy is a good start. not just getting along happy but truly "love being in your company happy". my husband does fifo and is only home for 1 week out of every 5 and if im in a bad mood he's got no chance but if im truly happy, happy to be around him, happy that he makes me smile and laugh, happy to be around him all day every day then he's more than likely to get more sex.
David 16 January 2014 at 8:12 pm
Agree with all the above, but one thing you haven't really touched on (apart from the reference to sexting) is something I have noticed - that women really quite like , and are turned on by, NAUGHTINESS! It's that certain twinkle in the eye, the unexpected passionate kiss in the laundry aisle at the supermarket, the quick intimate touch in a public place (between the racks of clothing in the department store, the art gallery, the car park - wherever) when no one is looking (except perhaps the security camera!) It's not about talking or behaving crudely and rudely, but cheeky, saucy, mischievous; as we get older people seem to take themselves too seriously - lighten up and be naughty! And of course making your partner feel wanted, desired, lusted after as well as being loved.
Neil 17 January 2014 at 7:02 am
It is a lot different when we reach mature age , as the will may be there, but often the way is harder to achieve. Never give up on your sex life until you take you last breath.
Manda 18 January 2014 at 12:52 pm
I agree With you 100% Naughtiness is so much fun and its a nice little tease for whats going to happen when you get home... Or to the car :-p
Dana 18 January 2014 at 6:40 pm
When my hard working fiance gets home and helps me with housework, its almost like i dont have to share any negative experience ti have had that day. I then dont need to nag or be annoying, i just want to ravish him!I love it when he helps out round the house and know he appreciates me and whhat us stay home mums do all day. Hes garunteed a night of luuurv. Tehe
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