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10 Ways to Turn Her On in the Bedroom

12 September 2013 8 comments

Last week I became increasingly frustrated reading through the many comments and messages I received from women citing what turned them on in the bedroom. I was chuffed they'd responded to my call out, but most of the feedback I received was all about what turned women on outside the bedroom. Initially I was perplexed and thought I hadn't posed the question well enough, and then the penny dropped. It turns out that for women it's usually about what a man does before he gets to the bedroom that gets her in the mood.

Not always in the bedroomNot always in the bedroom

This is Michelle's response to my question 'what turns a woman on in the bedroom'?: We are easy to understand... I think... I love little notes left around the house in my car before work, on the bathroom mirror written in eye liner... simple words... "I love you xox" Post it notes on keys... etc... If he does that for me not every day... but when he does its definitely on in the bedroom. Turn me off by talking about bills or money or family issues... then forget love'n. Women need to be mentally stimulated before we get to the bedroom!

Chelle msg'd me this: Tips on how to turn her on - build up to it over the space of the day, brush past her arm and just give her a smile. Tell her what you'd like to do to her, and that you can't wait to hear her audible pleasure. Women need their minds turned on, especially if you're in a long term relationship.

A few other responses had me thinking, like Tiharna's: Eyes, deep connection with our eyes. And Felicity's: Women are hopeless! We live on emotion. The age old adage that women are 90% emotional and 10% logical is true. Tell her she looks amazing, even if it's just when she's started organising dinner. A surprise kiss goes a VERY long way. Smile at her and make her feel like you want to ravish her... it works!

Of all the feedback I received on how to turn a woman on kissing was definitely the most common thread. That simple act of a passionate kiss can have a women melting and going weak at the knees with audacious desire. It's an understated physical act that can be powerfully emotive for a woman.

So it appears women are far more emotional than men and they need the emotional connection more so than men do. It's interesting that men can often have sex with little or no emotional involvement. It may be one of the reasons there are far more female escorts then male escorts. I also note that I've never seen male masseur's advertising that they do happy endings (like some female masseuses do).

Ok, so we know that to turn on a woman it's very important to start long before we get to the bedroom. We need to stimulate her mind, we need an emotional connection and we need to show her, and tell her, how much we're into her. So what about when we get to the bedroom? Well these are my top 10 tips on how to turn her on in the bedroom:

  1. Positive affirmations!
    Yes, women want to be told how beautiful they are, what a great ass they have, how much you love her breasts or whatever body part you're infatuated with. A man needs to make his partner feel desired and one of the best ways for a man to do this is by telling her the things he likes about her body and her looks. When a woman knows he finds her sexy, and when she feels comfortable in her own skin, and without body issues, then she's going to feel sexy... and her man will reap the benefits in bed!
  2. The ambience and mood needs to be right!
    If there's music playing then it needs to be the right music to set the mood. Normally the TV needs to be off in order to limit distractions. She wants you to visually feast on her, not watch something on TV in the background. The lighting needs to be considered. At night most of the time a woman wants soft low lighting although from time to time they want a change with all lights on and blazing. The challenge men face is trying to determine what type of mood she's in.Women like scented candles! They're a great way to set the mood and as an added bonus these days there are many candles that not only smell great but double up as massage oil as they're burning. And not only massage oil, the hot wax/oil can be dripped onto nipples and other erogenous zones to arouse her.Whilst it sounds a bit pedantic getting the room temperature right can make a difference too. In winter some forward planning would have a man turn up the heating in the bedroom before they venture in. Similarly in summer the aircon can certainly help get the mood right.
  3. The power of touch and massage.
    Yes we all like a good massage sometimes; therapeutic or sensual work, but for a woman the stroke of a man's hands over her body can be extremely tantalizing. There are lots DVDs and YouTube clips that have tips on how to give a great massage.There is probably nothing more provoking than sensual touch. Men need to pay attention to a woman's erogenous zones and they need to explore them with their hands, tongue and mouth. Focusing on these zones will have her purring for more.Chelle summed up the importance of touch by saying: Women are more sensitive to touch than guys are. Every part of her can be touched lightly to build her up. So try gently, lightly running your fingertips all the way up her body, from finger tips to shoulders and from toes all the way up her legs, torso, chest, neck. If you really put your all into pleasing her and lose yourself in that moment, the response will be wild! Good luck getting out alive!
  4. Women want men to take charge... and be a man!
    Men are usually physically stronger than women and women like that. They like men to use their strength and prowess in the bedroom. They like to be dominated sometimes. And they usually want a man to lead the way. No woman wants a limp wristed weak man in the bedroom whose fumbling hands create sexual frustration rather than lust.Women like confident, not cocky or arrogant, men. When a man exudes confidence it gives a woman confidence and it arouses her.
  5. Clitoral and g-spot stimulation.
    Whilst a woman certainly needs to be highly aroused before you start focusing on these areas if a man knows how to stimulate them then it bodes well for great sex thereafter. Hopefully men don't need a map to find these although some exploration may be required to locate the g-spot. Both the clitoris and g-spot should be treated separately however if a man is clever enough to be able to stimulate both simultaneously then he's normally handsomely rewarded.
  6. Sex toys!
    Men like to watch women use sex toys on themselves and if a woman knows this excites a man then she too is excited. His enthusiasm is infectious! Women also like it when a man uses sex toys on them. It can seriously drive them wild and give them multiple orgasms... and that's before they actually start having sex. What women really want these days are good quality silicone toys that provide clitoral stimulation. If they also stimulate the g-spot then that's a bonus!
  7. Dirty talk!
    It's amazing what a turn on this is for a woman. To be told what he wants to do to her, or what he's going to do to her, can have a woman dripping in anticipation. And discussing fantasies works too. Everyone has fantasies and sometimes they don't need to be lived out, just talked about and visualized. If you have been lucky enough to live them out then talking about them and recreating them in your minds is a huge turn on for men and women.
  8. Break the routine!
    No one wants mechanical sex that's to a schedule and where it was the same as last time and the time before that. Boring! No – we all want change; we want spontaneity and we want feverish excitement. Woman don't want a man to roll over before going to sleep, or upon awakening, having a quick feel then trying to jump on top for a while. No – this isn't going to cut it (unless it's a rare occurrence). Similarly, women want not only foreplay but forethought! They want a man to spice things up in the bedroom by doing different things, trying new positions, doing it on the floor, in the bathroom perched over the bidet or wherever. And breaking the 'same time sex' needs to happen too!
  9. Personal hygiene.
    Women like a man to be showered before sex. And to be invited into the shower by a man is a big turn on for a woman. They like his finger nails and toe nails dirt free and clipped short. They usually want pubic, chest and facial hair either clipped or shaven, although a man too manicured can be a serious turn off for many women. Body odour is a turn off for women, so if a man has a problem with this, and it can't be fixed by showering, then he needs a spray. After-shave and the smell of freshly washed hair can also help in getting her in the mood.
  10. Take the time to pleasure her!
    Yes, it's quite simple but often a flaw many men overlook. Women can't be rushed and normally take far longer to get in the mood, and then to reach an orgasm, than men do. Men need to understand this. If a woman is teased, then a man is usually guaranteed to be pleased! There are many ways to tease a woman and they all take time. And when she's ready to be pleasured then a 'wam bam thank you mam' won't cut it either. The first time a man has sex with a woman he normally pulls out every trick he has up his sleeve to impress her and to ensure she's satisfied. He wants her to call him again! If every time (actually let's say many times) thereafter he treated sex like it was their first time then ultimately they'd enjoy a healthy passionate sex life!

Women are far more complex than men. They need passion in a relationship and they need an emotional connection. They need to feel adored and loved. And they need to feel they're the only one. Yes – the only one a man wants! They're not turned on as easily as men are but sometimes it's just a kiss that can have them yearning for more.

As always I look forward to your comments.

Delivering passion and pleasure.


frustrated 12 September 2013 at 6:48 pm
in other words, women are needy princesses.
Sharon Campbell 12 September 2013 at 8:24 pm
This should be taught to boys in schools! Lol
Tennika 12 September 2013 at 8:30 pm
Loved this article, now if only I could get my other half to read and understand this then we'd have no more issues. Lol
Sharon Campbell 19 September 2013 at 8:06 pm
Tennika, I printed it out and gave it to my partner!
chantelle 23 September 2013 at 9:25 pm
you have definitely hit the nail on the head with this article, I'm luck enough my hubby already has a copy of this, he saved it on his tablet.
Matter 25 September 2013 at 7:52 pm
Now if my wife could just learn all this and appreciate it, then we would actually have a decent sex life....
Chelle 27 September 2013 at 12:32 pm
I realise I'm very late to the party but thought I'd add my 2c nonetheless ...Many men come into stores and ask if we have anything that they can "put in her drink" to make her aroused or wanting sexFirstly, that's kind of date-rapey, dude. Maybe if she doesn't want to have sex then don't proceed to try and trick her into it against her will/knowledge?Secondly, if she doesn't want sex, chances are it's because either you're doing something wrong outside of the bedroom, or she has her own stuff going on (low self-esteem etc). If it's low self-esteem, then a simple "you look hot" etc is not going to be the magic password to getting your surfboard wet. For women, self-esteem takes a while to build up and constantly hounding her for sex without taking the time to actually talk to her about why she doesn't want it can make her feel like crap.If her self-esteem is all good, then take a look at what goes on outside of the bedroom. She probably needs to mentally be relaxed to enjoy sex, which means that if she gets home from work to find the apartment is a mess whilst you have been playing video games all day, then that's gonna mean no sex, because after cleaning up all she wants to do is relax after a long day, and having sex with the person who just made her workload bigger is not how she is going to do that. Things can be that simple, guys. Work out how to contribute around the home to make her feel like she has a partner, not a messy child. Think this comment seems extreme? The fact is, it is the NUMBER 1 REASON why the women I know don't want to have sex on the regular.In summary, turning her on begins before you even cross the bedroom threshold.
Chelle 27 September 2013 at 12:35 pm
In other words, you sound like a misogynist jerk.
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