What do you call the guy who’s always there for you? The one who always watches your back and makes a great wingman? We’re talking about a real friend: the condom, the raincoat, the rubber, the dick sock, the love glove… Whatever name he goes by, night after night of good, bad, or mind-blowing sex, your buddy the prophylactic goes into bat for you, with an average 98% effectiveness at preventing pregnancy and, unlike other contraceptives, protection against STIs and HIV/AIDS as well! For condoms to be effective though, you must remember to keep them handy, watch their expiry dates and put them on and take them off properly. But in order to get the most “bang for your buck”, you should also abide by the “rules of the rubber” – read on for more information:
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll already know that condoms are stretchy, tubular-shaped devices generally made of thin latex and designed to cover an erect penis to prevent semen from entering the vagina. Some of them are rounded at the top, and others have a reservoir tip added especially for catching his man milk.
For singles, they’re a necessary evil but much less intrusive if you make them part of your foreplay. Come on girls! Don’t always leave it up to him to do the deed, your fingers unrolling it down his shaft (after squeezing the air out of the tip first) is far more exciting! And if you can cope with the taste, you’ll score top marks for putting it on with your mouth! The “look Ma, no hands” method of putting a condom on is easy… Simply place the unrolled condom between your lips, with the tip facing in towards your mouth and the open end facing out. Move your mouth over the head of his penis and, using firm but soft lips, slowly roll the condom down his shaft. Hot tip: if you don’t want to deep throat it, some final unrolling at the base with your fingers might be needed!
But what good is a condom when you’re a committed couple, you ask? Well, you might want to use them for contraception rather than just as germ-catchers! And they also come in rather handy if you’ve got thrush or cystitis and don’t want to play the let’s-pass-it-back-and-forth game.
Rules of the rubber
For condoms to be effective, you must remember to keep them handy, watch their expiry dates and put them on and take them off properly! Obviously, in the heat of the moment, it’s difficult to think with your head—well, the one above your waist at least. But in order to get the most “bang for your buck”, you should abide by a few simple guidelines:
Yes, keeping one in your wallet is very responsible of you, but it’s not really advisable to store condoms in warm places or under pressure, so keep them in your bedside drawer instead, or in a cool, dry place well out of direct sunlight.
Always check the expiry date on your condom and don’t rip the packet open with your teeth! Most rips occur when you shred the condom’s packaging so before you tear in to it, make sure the package is sealed tight—you can test this by squeezing and checking for a pocket of air.
Only ever use water-based lubricants
with latex condoms. Oil-based lubricants, including petroleum jelly, [hyperlink: massage oils] and body lotions, will break down the composition of your condom and allow the transference of STIs and HIV. It’s a good idea to lube up your penis before you put the condom on too...It will make the sucker last longer and it will also make for a more enjoyable ride. Use lubricant
inside the condom to make it feel better and provide maximum sensation for him; use a little more on the outside to reduce the risk of it tearing and to make it more exciting for her.
The right fit
If you lose your erection when you pull on a condom, it could be because it’s too tight or too big. The first deadens sensation, while the second reduces friction. Experiment with different sizes and types, but remember while there are condoms so thin you can’t even feel them, the whole point of wearing one is for protection.
You should always use a condom when you’re involved in a sexual encounter because semen can pass to your partner even before you fully ejaculate. Put your love glove on as soon as you’re hard and well before there’s any sex play. Pre-ejaculatory fluid can also carry HIV and other STIs.
Slide it on
Before you unroll it, check that your condom’s not inside out. It should look like a mini sombrero with the reservoir tip pointing up. Pinch the tip as you roll the condom ring down your shaft, making sure there aren’t any air bubbles that could cause breakage later on. And if you happen to be uncircumcised, pull the loose skin away from the head of your penis before you pull on your condom.
Check then double-check
Make sure it’s still secure on your penis during thrusting by checking for the rim. Also, if it suddenly feels surprisingly like there’s no condom, chances are there’s not! So check again!
Hold your Johnson and your condom at the base, keeping the tip downward so no bodily fluids leak out. Then move away from your partner just in case there’s spillage. It’s better on the bed sheets than in your babe!
Take the condom off before you lose your erection - otherwise things will get really messy! Tie it like you would a balloon, wrap it in a tissue, and throw it away in the rubbish bin, not down the toilet - think of the environment and save a whale!
Don’t be a cheap-ass
Always use a new condom for every act. That means unwrapping a new one when you’re switching up orifices and, if it’s really your lucky night, from partner to partner.
You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
adultshop.com sells a great range of condoms. In fact, we sell the perfect prophylactics for studs of every shape and size, from the well endowed anaconda to the less-than-exactly-blessed! We have dick sheaths for the “sensitive” new age guy as well as ribbed numbers for your lady (turn one of these little rippers inside out and you’ll find they’re also very stimulating for your good self)!
We’ve all heard the saying, IF IT’S NOT ON, IT’S JUST NOT ON! But this safe sex message isn’t just for sex-perimenting teenagers. Research has shown that people 40+ are the worst at observing even the basics of safe sex! STIs have doubled in under a decade in people over 45 and are now rising faster than with teenagers. Assuming only young people have sexually transmitted infections is about as stupid as thinking “nice people” couldn’t possibly have one!
Then there’s pregnancy…You might decide you’re finished having children post 40, but unless you use contraception, your body could well have other ideas! So it makes no difference whether you’re 16 or 46… The same rules apply to you as your teenage kids: use a condom every single time you have sex and, if you’re in a monogamous relationship, both get tested for STIs at your doctor’s surgery or a sexual health clinic before ditching the condoms completely!
And finally, if you’re not going to sack it, then go home and whack it, because without a condom on, the only true safe sex is abstinence!